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I feel very much the same regarding childhood and college, but I feel I came out the other side a different person.

In grade-school, my family moved often. I never had the experience of a friendship longer than about 3 years. Tech appealed to me - I always wanted to know how things worked and since no one took kids seriously, outside of it being a bonding experience with my dad occasionally, it was an activity I did alone, one where I spent large parts of my days learning about and experimenting with whatever I could get my hands on.

College was the first time I was exposed to people who shared a common interest. It wasn't a large campus, and somehow I ended up getting a reputation for being one of the more competent CS students on campus. People would approach me every day in the university's coffee shop to ask for help with class or pick my brain for ideas on hobby projects. I grew to seriously enjoy talking to people about what they're working on. I also grew to enjoy teaching and tutoring people - to the point where I'd give unofficial supplemental lectures in our ACM meetings about things I felt were missed in various classes. Computer graphics was a huge passion of mine at the time and a lot of people hated the class because it did a poor job of bridging theory to practice. I did so, so many OpenGL tutoring sessions.

After college I moved away from everyone I knew to take a job in another part of the state. I didn't really start to understand until then that I now craved socialization. I spent the next few years without anyone to (physically) spend time with. Much of my socialization was my Discord gaming group of everyone from back in college (still all together 6 years later).

After the main part of the pandemic I decided I was tired of being alone. I feel like I spent 6 years of my 20s locked up so I packed my life up and transferred to where all the people I was actually friends with were. Multiple social engagements a week for the past 3 months - I haven't been this happy in years. I even have people to go to the gym with!

I feel like being alone turned me into a more negative and reserved person as opposed to the "can't wait to share the cool things I know and or learned with everyone" person I was in school.

I don't know what to call myself. A shy extrovert? I'm horrible at starting a conversation but wow can I keep one going if someone else initiates.

I feel similarly, I find it a little difficult to start conversations and to ask people questions that get them to open up. Knowing what exactly to ask about is hard for me. But I thoroughly enjoy talking to people especially if they are leading the conversation and they are one of those people that can get others to open up.

Sometimes you are the plant that needs watering, other times; you should be watering the plants.

It comes down to trying to have a little balance in your life. It's been said that programming is an art form. Those who take pride in their work try to build something elegant that is not only functional, but also a beauty to look at and work on. If you are not careful it can also become an obsession that can dominate your life. Being an introvert just compounds it.

Unlike some other types of art, software is never really finished. I don't think that painters or sculptors regularly revisit their creations to try and improve them. They don't have versions 2, 3, or 4 of a painting or statue. The closest thing might be writers who sometimes have multiple editions to their books. There is always something to do to improve a piece of software so it can keep you up too late at night because it is just a compile or two away.

Oops, gotta go, I just thought of a new feature for my project...

The quote “a work is never finished, merely abandoned” originates from French author and poet Paul Valéry.

https://quoteinvestigator.com/2019/03/01/abandon/

Perhaps not regularly; artworks that are relatively quick to perform are probably more susceptible to this. Anecdotally I’ve known calligraphers to find themselves practicing the same words over and over again out of muscle memory when just doodling or writing without full focus. I find similarities between this and sports, or even games such as counter-strike. Same map, same mechanics, slightly different flow each time.

On the subject of creativity, I (like many others Im sure) have found travelling to be great for creativity, alone or otherwise! There was an article linked here a while ago about a person who embarked on “staycations” where they just remained confined to their hotel room explicitly to enhance their writing.

This quote changed my life when read it two days ago. Thank you.

Beautifully said.

> My introverted nature has affected my family life as I withdraw into my own little world. ..Many of my fellow programmers that I have worked with over the years also exhibit some of these tendencies.

I believe many professional writers, artists, even musicians exhibit similar traits - they live in their own self-created worlds, stories, imaginary inner lives - often to the detriment of their social lives in "real" life.

Some are extroverted, some are introverted, but most are solitary brooders and counter-intuitively, exhibitionists at the same time.

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This is a beautiful passage from the post.

> You need to get back to the solitude that you knew as a child. They see the world with eyes unclouded. They live in their own world, a world of pure authenticity.

This resonates with me so much to the point where I’ve started publishing blogs about my own struggles and resolutions. It sounds like you have a lot of awareness.

this perfectly describes me