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Comment by numbers_guy | Hacker News Reader

For me it is quite simply because I lack the human touch. Due to a multitude of compounding factors I cannot manage to find a soulmate, and life alone is miserable. I don't see how being smart would help in this situation. If anything it makes it harder to connect with someone, because the pool of compatible people is smaller.

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I consistently find that people who are unhappy/unsuccessful and also identify as "smart" are generally very good at rationalizing why things don't work out for them in a manner that protects their ego.

To be honest, I do not think I have a big ego. If anything I have very low self esteem.

I think those two can ironically often go hand-in-hand.

You over value your self-importance which gives you ego/arrogance. Yet at the same time that self-importance with self-criticism leads to low self-esteem.

I think this is something that I often demonstrate. I feel the need to prove that I'm smart (ego), and I have very high standards for myself (low self-esteem, but it's getting better).

I'm not necessarily saying this is you, just that those two traits aren't mutually exclusive.

Regarding the loneliness problem, that isn't as intractible as I used to think it was for us Venusians. In my case it was largely an issue of getting my emotional algorithms right, which requires effort that isn't quite intellectual effort - but intellectual capacity certainly helps understand what the new version should look like.

If you're interested in solving this problem for yourself I would recommend the book 'models' by Mark Manson, reading it made a world of difference for me.

I know I can work on my social skills. The compounding factor that ruins my chances is that I also am not physically attractive. So I get very few chances to practice my social skills. This whole getting few chances in the first place is what is making me unhappy and making me feel lonely. And before you ask, I do put a lot of effort into meeting new people. Thanks for the book suggestion, anyway.

What makes you think it's because you're unattractive? Even so, you can achieve a lot with 3 months of strength training at the gym. (hell, you'll see results in the first couple of weeks)

Consider that the vast majority of people don't even do that much - It doesn't take much to be above average.

What have you done to stop being unattractive? Unlike the common copes I think attractiveness is one of the most important attributes for a person in determining how the world treats them. Depending on how much money you have there are a lot of options for changing it

> because the pool of compatible people is smaller.

Why?

Because of what is called assortative mating.

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