Saying "that tends to ensure what is and isn't side effect free is massively obfuscated" really depends on the ORM; if it's an ORM that tries to make an RDMBS "quick" like an object, then I agree (this is something I hate about Django's ORM), but if it's a query builder style ORM then I disagree, as it basically creates a DSL that wraps around the SQL which is already purely functional.
What I'm getting at is that we shouldn't conflate what should take credit for creating sanity in how applications persist state. I think that credit should go to the RDBMS because it exposes the power of the benefits you ascribe to FP, to any programming language that can bind to an RDBMS. If that is the case, what do you really need FP for in general purpose line of business software engineering?