There is no path for non-tech users to start using Element/Matrix or some Fediverse thing. These are excellent concepts, but they will remain there, as nice ideas. Because they are not a quick three-step process of Download -> Setup -> Chat with Friend
"Why am I pasting a URL given by you in this app, will you be able to track all my private conversations as well? Hell, will you be able to hack into my phone now?"
A healthy dose of skepticism is warranted, but at the end of the day this whole thread is about friend groups talking to each other. This just wouldn't be a realistic line of questioning in this scenario imo.
There is terms and service, legal systems etc for corporations. There is no such thing for individual server admins. They are right to feel weird about their friend running their private chats as opposed to a company.
People implicitly trust friends and especially family to be generally good and not misuse their information. Far more than they would trust a random stranger or corporation, regardless of legal systems, terms of service, privacy policy, etc. They are also generally grateful that you're providing a service they can use and can handle issues coming up moreso than from others.
And, of course they would, you've built up years of personal trust and relationships with them, which goes far deeper than anything professional.
Source: I do this. For multiple services. For multiple people. But also, just basic common sense.
The proof is all around us. People don’t want to use services run by their friends. Otherwise they would.
I trust my brother with my life, but I would prefer to use Instagram DMs rather than a chat service he is running on a VPS. There is so much that can go wrong with a service like that. No offense to him, but I’d rather a company handle it where people are getting paid to do it.
Generally speaking, if someone is running a service out of the goodness of their heart, they are doing it as a hobby. And you have to wonder why it is so fun to them? They enjoy handling peoples’ chats? Seems a lil weird. I love my brother, but just seems a little off.
People do think like this.
And /r/homelab (and the numerous spinoffs) would highly disagree with you; the fact that they exist is what you would call "the proof" which is "all around us".