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Comment by syrrim | Hacker News Reader

Their tagline - "life is short, have an affair" - is fairly compelling. You have one life, and romance is one of the great human experiences. Many people don't have the opportunity to experience that in their current relationship, while still having good reason to remain in that relationship.

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When people talk about romance being one of the great human experiences, they don't tend to mean online hook-up sites, particularly not one focused on cheating. The 'great human experience' bit isn't just about the physical side of things.

I've heard that a lot of the time men are cheating to get sex, and women are cheating for the emotional romantic side of things.

I think the GP is aimed primarily with sympathy for the vast minority of female users, and perhaps an uncharacteristically more emotional subgroup of male users, implicitly baked in.

I don't get this, there are a lot of other ways to take risks to have fun. Like motorsport or adventure travel. Stuff that you can brag about after, which is way better than the pressure of keeping a secret.

Some people like the pressure of keeping a secret.

Some people also like bragging about affairs.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

it doesn't matter. if they arent happy then it's their job to go quit the existing one or even if the spouse wants to kinda stay together for kids make it clear they separating as a romantic couple. sneaking behind a spouses back is shitty.

More like "life is short have an antibiotic resistant Chlamydia".

Lol, I can't even find someone to fall in love with and here's this website :-(

You have the capacity to love and be loved man.

I suggest changing where you are looking for people, hanging out, or just doing new things. If the places you are looking have nothing for you, change where you are looking.

You got this man.

This is sound advice.

theres places u can find ppl. online dating aint that great, heres some that i seen work:

* religious organization

* hobbys

* service (lots of hot young chicks volunteer at animal shelters)

and tbh even if u dont find a girl right away you'll still get smth from all of those. keep ur head up king.

I wonder what the overlap of people is that: 1) are in a tizzy over promiscuity among adults, 2) advocate for organized religion, and 3) target 'hot young chicks'.

You are a unique individual, I think. That said, maybe start thinking of women as human beings.

lmao

1. i'm not. it rly doesn't bother me except for the tiny group that will go sleep with like 5 or 6 ppl in a short period and causes problems. idgaf what ppl do otherwise just saying its a public health problem.

2. i'm not a huge advocate of organized religion im just saying it's a good place to meet potential partners and i seen it work.

3. i'm young so uhh yeah? i like hot ppl like almost everybody else and i like women so uhh there's why i guess. not "targeting" but that's who i like to date lol. just bc there's a public health problem with ppl hooking up with like 5 ppl in a weekend doesn't mean i got anything against dating.

> You are a unique individual

thx bro

> start thinking of women as human beings?

uhh what? idk how i gave the wrong idea about this.

No idea about (1), but years ago I used to work with a pretty attractive and wholesome guy who was prrtty popular in the office who fit (2) and (3) to a T.

I think the best way to summarize what I mean, I once got invited by him to his church, and the only reason he stated was "that's where all the hot girls are". I found it to be a pretty solid reason, and his assertion definitely aligned with my previous experiences with the matter, but I had to politely decline. Mostly because I felt pretty awkward about going as a non-religious person, and I knew he was actually pretty religious.

You have no actually good reason to remain in your relationship if you're a lying adulterer. You only have evil, selfish reasons.

Kids is a popular excuse. See also fucked up divorce laws, etc. See also the good intentions pavement system so well known on roads leading to hell.

Kid's'd be better off with a repressed parent, or an impoverished deserter parent, than a cheater. Cheating kills the trust in both parents, because the cheater becomes a disgusting liar and the one cheated on will likely be seen as too weak or otherwise unfitting, to be a good role model. Either way the child will doubt the value of the parents they even came from. That really leads to hell, for the whole family.

Quite a yarn you're spinning. But can it be even more reductive and clichéd?

I sense a religious undertone... The type that would force the sanctity of marriage at all costs to avoid 'sin' and save face with God. Maybe also with some warped victim blaming and sexism thrown in for good measure, topped with a generous helping of sanctimony.

Maybe...

Yeah, yeah,

"Up yours woke religious moralists. We'll see who condemns who."

there's plenty of couples that are amicably separated and take care of their kids fine, even some who still share a house (though not many tbh). besides it's still their fault for having kids without being sure they can handle the comittment then not being willing to stick with it.

> without being sure they can handle the comittment then not being willing to stick with it.

that bar is so high, I applaud anyone who can even comprehend it.

Everyone's different, and every relationship is different. Sometimes people get trapped, either by money or laws or something else. It's human nature to make judgements about other peoples' relationships, but unless you're in a relationship it can be hard to see the forces at work.That's often true even if it's your own relationship.

Okay, nuance et cetera, but can cheaters have the basic human decency to recognize that they're making a choice which is harmful to their family in order to benefit themselves? Or is that asking too much self-awareness?

Really, it might not be harmful to their families, beyond harm that's already happened. Marriages are complicated. For example, some marriages are essentially financial arrangements, maintained by both parties despite romantic betrayal. Some marriages start as romatic arrangements, but morph into marriages of convenience, or are maintained "for the sake of the kids".

And sticking with a broken marriage "for the sake of the kids" isn't always the wrong thing to do. It depends.

I would then argue that that's not cheating.

Cheating involves deception, the deception is telling your partner that they're your exclusive romantic interest when they're not. If everybody knows and everyone is fine with it, then there is no problem.

I'm not sure GP is arguing for a negotiated open relationship, since this whole comment tree is about affairs.

I figured the idea was more "having an affair can be OK if you really need it because your marriage sucks, divorce and a negotiated open relationship are not viable options, and provided no one finds out"

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