You are welcome to think about the union-find structure however you prefer to think about it, but I was describing the problem I was trying to solve, for which the correct description of union find I gave above is optimal. Contrary to your mistaken assertion, no contradictions arise from applying graph-theoretical concepts in this way; there is no problem of "coherency". It's just a form of description you aren't accustomed to.
If your way of thinking about union find makes it hard for you to understand the problem I was trying to solve, maybe it isn't the best way to think about it for the purpose of this conversation, even if it is the best way to think about it in some other context.
I'm not claiming my description is the only correct description of union find, just that it's the one that most closely maps to the problem I was trying to solve.
The description can equally well be formulated in the relational terms you prefer: given a relation R, union find can efficiently tell you whether, for any given x and y, (x, y) ∈ R', where R' is the symmetric transitive reflexive closure of R (and is thus the smallest equivalence relation containing R). It efficiently supports incrementally extending R by adding new pairs (a, b) to it.
This is equivalent to my graph-theoretic explanation above except that it omits any mention of E'. However, it is longer, and the relationship to the maze-construction application is less clear. Perhaps you nevertheless find the description clearer.
What I was looking for, in these terms, is a variant of union find that also efficiently supports incrementally removing pairs from R.
Does that help you understand the problem better?
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In general there is a very close correspondence between binary relations and digraphs, so it's usually easy to reformulate a statement about relations as an equivalent statement about digraphs, and vice versa. But one formulation or the other may be more perspicacious.
More generally still, as you move beyond the most elementary mathematics, you will learn that it's usually a mistake to treat one axiom system or vocabulary as more fundamental than another equivalent axiom system, since you can derive either of them from the other one. Instead of arguing about which one is the right axiom system or vocabulary, it's more productive to learn to see things from both viewpoints, flexibly, because things that are obvious from one viewpoint are sometimes subtle from the other one.