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Comment by phkahler | Hacker News Reader

>> Even car accidents...

I hate when a real car accident is attributed to a drunk driver when it was not. There are plenty of wrecked cars from actual drunk driving, you don't need to lie to get an example. Some people think their intentions justify their actions, even when their actions can accurately be described as "lie" or "cheat" or "for profit" or some other dishonest thing. This may be effective in many cases, but in others it discredits your efforts and perhaps even your cause.

Random acts of kindness DO happen, but are usually not captured on video.

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> Random acts of kindness DO happen, but are usually not captured on video.

Indeed. In fact, when the act is intentionally captured on video by its performer, not only is it already very debatable that it is an act of "kindness"... but it is also obviously NOT "random"!

(For the colloquial meaning of "random" of course)

> when the act is intentionally captured on video by its performer, not only is it already very debatable that it is an act of "kindness"... but it is also obviously NOT "random"!

I was about to propose to my girlfriend and was setting up my DSLR on a tripod to take photos via IR remote (she thought we were just going to take photos of us at sunset).

Then a guy came walking by and offered to take the photos for us. I demurred, but he said he had the exact same camera and knew how to use it. So I quietly told him what was about to go down, and he took a bunch of great photos of our engagement.

For at least a year after, my wife didn't believe that he wasn't a plant!

Usually you can tell a plant by their lack of opposable thumbs and green pallor.

This is one of those rare replies where I wish I could just dance away at the upvote. But I can't, so I'll leave this note instead. Thank you.

That's only the obvious ones.

You can make the case that it's not an "act of kindness" when your motive is self promotion and gratification.

Also giving someone flowers is quite a cheap kindness. Help somebody in need out. Or just go clean the streets. No good content clickbait video to be made of you picking up the trash ?

If cynical enough, no act is selfless.

That phrase, to 'remove yourself from the equation' applies here too. That leads to a better 'test' and metric.

'remove yourself from the equation'

The real definition of compassion.

I recall a few years back, I was going to visit someone, and bought flowers.

Before I left, plans changed, so now I was in the mall parking lot, and had (to me) useless flowers. In the parking lot, I saw an older woman sitting in her car.

I walked up to her, proclaimed "surprise, flowers!", which she took, and I walked away.

It is sad to think that these days, it almost makes more sense to just throw them away, instead of giving a bit of unexpected joy to someone.

(the woman seemed surprised, and happy)

The difference is that you didn't use the opportunity to promote your brand on social media, nor did you trick her into holding the flowers for you just to disappear. I think the reaction would have been completely different if he did actually present those as a gift.

Sure, but my point was, as a reply to the thread above, now people my be hesitant to receive such a gift as genuine.

Or give it, for fear of a negative response... the well is being poisoned.

> Indeed. In fact, when the act is intentionally captured on video by its performer, not only is it already very debatable that it is an act of "kindness"

Only if you're going into the whole "every act is selfish" kind of thing.

> but it is also obviously NOT "random"! (For the colloquial meaning of "random" of course)

Why not? It only takes a few seconds to start filming.

If you mean having a camera person, that starts to get into the weeds, but it depends on how much planning there was and how it was done.

“Watch out! Don’t do your good deeds publicly, to be admired by others, for you will lose the reward from your Father in heaven. When you give to someone in need, don’t do as the hypocrites do—blowing trumpets in the synagogues and streets to call attention to their acts of charity! I tell you the truth, they have received all the reward they will ever get. But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you."

--Jesus

> Only if you're going into the whole "every act is selfish" kind of thing.

There are selfless acts of kindness, but this isn't one of them. There's no conflict there. He did it to make a video he could monetize on TikTok. It's his job. It's a really simple distinction.

> If you mean having a camera person, that starts to get into the weeds, but it depends on how much planning there was and how it was done.

If he went to that mall and bought flowers and picked a sympathetic-looking subject, with the intention of filming a video of himself doing it to upload to TikTok, it's not random. It's premeditated. I don't mean that in the legal sense, though it probably applies. I mean he thought about it in advance, so it's not "random".

> If he went to that mall and bought flowers and picked a sympathetic-looking subject, with the intention of filming a video of himself doing it to upload to TikTok, it's not random.

Okay but that goes way beyond the general-case statement I was responding to.

My wife and I, individually, and on various occasions over the years, have paid for random strangers' shopping.

We don't do social media, we don't even tell anybody, except for this one time, right now to support your point, so I think it's appropriate in this case.

We've told each other because we talk about our finances and it's reasonably to discuss why the grocery bill was double triple, etc what it would have been for what was brought home.

Would you mind sharing how you do this without making it awkward for the recipient or a spectacle? I’ve never been able to work that part out.

If someone doesn't have enough cash to pay for the groceries they brought to checkout, it's already an awkward situation.

I'll never forget the kindness a stranger showed me at Logan airport the day before Thanksgiving. I was already cutting it kind of close to departure time and my boyfriend had gone ahead to board so I figured I had just enough time to duck into one of the shops to get a bottle of water for the flight. It wasn't until the clerk rang me up that I realized my wallet was in the bag my boyfriend had taken onto the plane for me! A remember frantically digging around in my purse for loose change (talk about desperation!) and even though I can usually bank on my purse having plenty of change floating around at the bottom airport water is expensive AF! I don't know why I didn't just walk away, panic of the moment, I guess? But finally a lovely woman behind me saved me from my desperate coin hunting when she stuck her arm out next to me with $5 in her hand and said "Happy Thanksgiving!" The awkwardness of not being able to pay was pretty uncomfortable but she really, truly, made my day!

Some supermarkets have two output buffers after a checker, seems easy to offer to pay just as the person in front finishes or to wait around a little to pay for the next person.

You might also just pass 5 to 10 x 20 USD cash (or local equivalent) to the cashier and have that applied to the next person in line, and let them work out how to split any leftovers on their own.

I've never done either of those things myself, but I did feel horrid enough about our government during an extended shutdown over budget stuff to directly support the food bank with some 'staples' from Costco as well as a just outright cash donation back when that BS happened last.

Directly supporting the food bank is also an option that can help the even more needy.

My wife and I donate cash to the local food bank. Cash is actually more useful to them than food donations. Occasionally they have particular drives, generally for laundry and cleaning supplies. Those we buy outright.

Yeah - it would be strange if someone offered to pay for my groceries, just because I was wearing old jeans looking depressed and worried because of the price of bitcoin.

But I think it's a good thing to do if you "hit" the correct "target".

I don't need strangers to pay for my groceries either, but I think if they did (assuming it wasn't for a social media stunt) I'd accept it gracefully and try to pay it forward somehow. Maybe offer to pay for the next person, or use the money I'd have spent to buy those prepared bags for food pantries some shops offer.

It's feels good to genuinely do something nice for another person and I wouldn't want to take that from them. It's also nice just knowing that not everyone in your community is only looking out for themselves. Might as well take the opportunity to do something for someone else

The issue is the social media bit. Someone paid for my groceries without filming it then yeah I'd just pay for the next persons.

Probably best to decline politely if you don't need it.

I've wanted to pay sometimes for people - but didn't have the courage... shame.

For my wife and I, we usually keep it to situations where it's needed, we don't just offer any body, just because. My wife being a feminist and a mother will always "target" to help the single/young mothers, or older ladies etc.

I tend to just try help out those who are having trouble paying, regardless who they are, on the condition that if we're in a supermarket, their shop is a grocery shop on the whole; if they're buying £70 worth of spirits and nothing else, I'm probably not going to offer.

I work in central London, so sometimes a tourist will come into my local cash-only coffee shop just in front of me and not have cash, so I'll just offer to buy their coffees or whatever, though there are no cash-only coffee shops now since returning to the office after the pandemic, so it doesn't happen as often.

Yeah this I go to the market in a hoodie and joggers, - looking as rough as hell. But if somebody paid for my groceries and was filming it all without my permission I'd be mad as hell. Aside from not needing others to pay for my groceries, it's an invasion of privacy.

It's almost always that I'm behind them at the checkout/cashier.

If they're struggling, card declined etc, they're probably already frustrated, they might turn to me to apologise, that's my cue; I'll just say, "hey, can I get that for you?“. I remember the first time, a guy about my age just buying food, his card was declined, he had a little bit of cash so the cashier was having him figure out what to leave behind so he had enough to cover it. I just asked if I could get it all for him and he just asked, "why?", looking puzzled, I just said "why not?", and something along the lines of "you can pass on the favour one day", he accepted.

Other times its that the place doesn't take cards and they need to get cash, I'll just say, they can add it to my bill and I'll get it, if they don't mind.

Sometimes people decline, but usually I'm pretty good at judging when people would appreciate it so it's rarely awkward.

For me I've done things like that unusually just leave my card with the cashier and circle back to pick it up after they've left.

When I was young, and broke, an old guy bought my lunch one day when I was traveling. He left before I even got the bill, but the waitress told me he was a regular, and he left a simple note. And the note said something along the lines of "I was once young like you, and I know how scarce money can be when you are young. I hope that when you are older, that won't be a problem for you, and that you will pass along the favor"

Which I have done on a couple occasions, including the note, so they understood my motivation. I am hoping that when they get old, they'll pass it on.

I've done this but only if the person has an obvious problem to pay for their shopping.

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