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Comment by jordanmorgan10 | Hacker News Reader

It is alarming how similar we are (low 30s, 4DWW, great marriage, kids, big house, etc) but I've had similar thoughts.

This sounds cliche and obvious, but it made a big difference for me:

I found myself dreaming of shipping a project, or writing a book - whatever. But, then I would stay in the dream or possibility of what could happen if I did those things - but I wasn't actually doing enough to make them happen.

So, I sat down on a Saturday morning, and wrote down what I would feel "unfulfilled" with in life if I didn't try them. Then, I wrote down a tangible plan to try them. It will takes years, but I will give them a go.

I found that for me, it was the "what if" that was killing me, so I am eliminating that element and will let the chips fall where they may.

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Remembering and referencing Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs just now ... this is the top of the pyramid - Self Actualization - achieving full potential including creative activities. Maybe this vision/desire becomes more prevalent in SW Engineers (in US at least) in their 30's or 40's because you've got the bottom tiers completed (I know its not like a video game skill tree) and possibly have Esteem met with being accomplished in comparison to many other careers. Tech is a sought after field, known to have high income and requires a certain mindset to be good at it. Being good, not even great, at Tech in the US gets you thru the bottom 4 pretty well.

If your job lacks any avenue towards creativity or path towards self-actualization professionally (like being "known" in tech, building a widely used thing, writing a tech book, etc.) then you seek out other avenues towards self-actualization.

My problem is having these ideas of things that I want to do, like an idea for a novel as an example, but not knowing how/where to start or just plain ignoring the sheer amount of work that is required and day-dreaming about it. That's not at the top of my list but that idea keeps percolating up at times. I like your approach about writing down a plan to fulfill those self-actualization types of things.

An example where I've realized its a lot more work is building a desk top out of walnut for a sit/stand desk. From roughly cut boards to a finished top looks easy on youtube videos. Squaring a board to join with other boards without pro tools is a lot of work. So much work, much more than I thought. Some of the work is part of the process of learning.

> But, then I would stay in the dream or possibility of what could happen if I did those things - but I wasn't actually doing enough to make them happen.

I know that one too well :) What do you have on your list? Just different things in areas of life or mainly productive-related stuff?

Mostly career related things. I made peace with the fact that I simply love making things, and there are four things I really want to make that I think could also be a business. Outside of professional stuff, I’m really fulfilled in life (i.e. that’s why I don’t have anything other than career aspirations on this particular list)

Yeah, making a 1 year, 5 year, 10 year, 20 year plan and getting started with it helped a lot for me.

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