Criteria for becoming an academic:

- Above-average IQ

- Intellectual upbringing

- PhD, i.e. spending five years of your life in your mid to late 20s getting your union card

- During those five years, at least one of: no other mouths to feed, a working spouse, independent wealth, or well-off parents willing to support you

- Willingness to get a PhD for a less than <30% chance of ever getting a tenure-track job (though much higher if you are black or hispanic)

- Left-wing cosmopolitan social and political views