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It's worse, turns out in the end it's just 0s and 1s.

Lisp boffins who had been building AI this exact way for decades: noncommittal silence

I wonder if there is a 3rd astronaut wielding their feelings about the lack of goto statements in this code.

Dijkstra rolling in his grave.

you can put all the elegant sugar coating you want on it, but in the end your code gets executed as gotos.

In your dreams, von Neumann!

Reminds me of the MOV compiler.

The observer astronaut back on Earth: you two weren't supposed to say that!