I am exactly in the same boat, except I live in the UK with my British spouse (I'm American). I've been slowly rebuilding myself after heart surgery, trying to build up my physical stamina, getting therapy for depression, and learning the new JS hotness to be able to get better work to support my wife and I. Except the Home Office here fucked up my visa and it looks like I might get sent back to the US, where I have no home, no access to the medical care I need, and my wife (who is also disabled with chronic pain) needs me.

I got no advice, man, but you're not alone here. Being a 44 year old web dev with chronic pain issues sucks. I'm pulling for you.