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Comment by bsaul | Hacker News Reader

Given the little time you have left, i'd recommend going with that friend that's been secretely in love with you, but you've only ever considered a friend.

My guess is that you've built yourself a modern romantic image of what a couple should be (aka : two maddly in love young beautiful people having crazy passionate sex every night) instead of the traditional one (two grown ups trying to build a family against the constant shitstorm that life is).

I'm not judgemental, as i'm almost in the same situation as you, except as a guy i feel i still have a bit more time (but not that much).

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As a guy, on average you're actually getting more attractive as you age. For women, it works the opposite, which can understandably be very difficult for former hotties.

The tables flip around 35-40 years old.

Regardless, I wish you all the best and hope you find someone as awesome as I'm certain you are!

Funny. I feel I’m much more attractive now then when I was 30 and have heard the same from many women my age. Most people I meet think I’m 30, not 41. I eat really healthy, rarely drink, exercise more and have just learned better self-care, better fashion, better makeup and hair. Like a lot of nyc women, I’ve been constantly improving myself. A lot of men my age , by contrast seem to be balding and overweight…

That's great you're feeling better as you're older!

Though that last comment at 'balding' men -- do you consider that fair? Balding men didn't choose their genetics, nor did they do anything specific to become bald. And, outside of surgery, they can't stop being bald. Are you maybe saying these men need to shave their heads and commit to their fate, to stop 'balding' and just 'be bald'?

It is fair to call them overweight though, that is obviously 99% in their control.

I gained a ton of weight taking a medicine to save my life. Thanks.

I didn't mean to belittle your situation (I too have experienced medical weight gain, it's such a hopeless feeling!).

> On average !

Btw I'm shaved head bald and people generally seem to dig it. Not everyone's cup of tea, but dudes really have not much control over the genetics involved. In my admittedly extremely biased opinion it's harsh to hold against someone.

i've heard nyc had the worst female to male ratio for some reason (worst for female).

I've heard that , and i can tell you it's not necessarily true. I had a lot more success ten years ago for sure.

Thanks for the kind words, though.

You're correct that this won't apply across the board, but at the end of the day, dating is totally a numbers + filtering game.

Don't sell yourself short, patience and perseverance are virtues in this arena :)

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