Just skimming to two parts in the second to last paragraph, these two sentences, "I am often desperately looking inward to find the strength to go on", and "Accepting a constant stream of low quality things for most of my life, including interactions with other people, only contributed to the way my life has gone and the way I feel now" were really striking to the author's day-to-day. It sounds like he' struggling to doing what he needs to do and they're content with the way this is. We should want more for ourselves and for our relationships to have meaning.
There are some difficult life transitions (real-world problems that are never going to go away) that can cause long-term feelings of grief that overlap clinically with depression. Maybe you need to take the time to process those feelings. Or maybe you don't have that luxury, you have bills to pay, so you're going to medicate those feelings away.
(Or maybe everything is fine, and there's just something wrong with your brain. But that's not for Internet randos to decide.)