Take a trip to Manchester, Liverpool, Birmingham, Newcastle, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Leeds or Sheffield (preferably after the train strikes at the moment are over) and get back to us. Might change your mind about 'Nowhereshire'.
I visited England and Wales for work and I went to Belfast a few times. I visited all the English cities in your list and they aren’t in the same league of random central Italian towns. They were so ugly and anonymous that I’d demand a premium of 50K to move there from London.
From your comments though, doesn't sound like the UK (other than London) is for you unfortunately. No hard feelings.