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The way the button text moves on hover is also distracting and annoying.

Yep that hover animation alters user perception of it's fundamental state, from a button to link. Not saying experimentation is bad, but in general that kind of incongruence is a big no-no for production UX.

And they won’t let you into their page unless your device is in portrait mode

hover sucks for touchscreens

It's an optional little rollover animation. So what if it doesn't play on a touch screen?