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Comment by impostervt | Hacker News Reader

So, I know this is anecdotal, but I've seen a number of my friends (mostly male engineers) have kids later in life (35+), and a higher-than-I-would-expect number of those kids have developmental problems. Some act out more violently than you'd expect from a little kid, some just have ADHD-seeming issues, and some are just not progressing at the "expected" rate.

Is this a real thing? Anyone else notice it? I'm not even sure how to google it.

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> higher-than-I-would-expect number of those kids have developmental problems

My experience is that when you start talking to parents, you'll find that there are very few kids who don't have some kind of "problem".

My friend group has a bunch of parents who had kids in their 20ies, and I don't know of a single kid that doesn't have some kind of "issue".

Also, from talking to a friend who is a therapist for children, she says that with a lot of children in therapy she thinks that it would be better if the parents went to therapy rather than the kids.

Well yes having kids is a daily trigger for all kinds of childhood trauma. Even with good parents and a caring environment, growing up comes with so many painful, traumatic events, we learn to cope, to live with them, but kids make all of it surface, it can be overwhelming...

I'd advise any parent who has a first kid and is feeling all kinds of overwhelming or surprising things, to go and first get desensitised a bit, and then do the work...

> a lot of children in therapy she thinks that it would be better if the parents went to therapy rather than the kids

lmao that hits home, as a kid my crazy mother always told me that I needed to see a psychologist

I assume much of this is from people who take parenting via Google.

The age of a man when conception occurred is a known (and not new) factor in determining the health of a child. Sperm from old men (after 30) starts to introduce all sorts of risks such as Aspergers and autoimmune diseases.

In fact the age of the father is one of the only variables that have been shown to correlate with the prevalence of Asperger in children.

Wouldn't a very accessible explanation for that correlation be that aspie-leaning men might tend to have children later in life?

I should really go find the studies.

Especially since social awkwardness usually leads to more issues in finding a partner. So it's actually a really good explanation.

Maybe older dads are just more socially awkward due to self imposed isolation as they age?

It's 100% anecdotal, but I know a huge number of guys who have been divorced and have had perfectly healthy children in their 40s.

I'm sure there are studies to back it all up that it's super bad to have kids in 30s/40s but damn, a lot of people I know had parent in their 30s and they seem ok?

Edit: Actually I'd almost say that I'm envious by how well these older fathers children turn out. They just seem to be more chill, the kids sleep better, the parents generally have more money to deal with problems, they have more time for the children.

Women are more likely to give birth to children with birth defects after 35. Not sure about how the father's age impacts the child. E.g. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/birthdefects/downsyndrome/data.ht...

I think it is that parents are expecting perfect kids like these are normalized product you can buy from factory. They are panicking when their kids deviate from their perceived norms, and seek medication to fix the "problem".

ADHD, hyperactivity etc were non problems 40 years ago and got no treatment.

Ooooh they got treatment. And you had to pick it yourself in the back yard.

Now, that's called child abuse, while making them lame with amphetamines is good parenting

> ADHD, hyperactivity etc were non problems 40 years ago and got no treatment.

Lack of ADHD and hyperactivity being notable problems had more to do with the lack of medical study and treatment rather than the lack of cases. 40 years ago, physical abuse was still the norm and people believed you could punish bad behaviors out of a kid. Going even further back any boy thought to be "deviant" or "troubled" would be sent to mental institutions or bootcamps.

Dr. Campbell-McBride, "Gut and Psychology Syndrome" is worth a read.

You're not wrong in noticing that something is wrong. No doubt folks will come out of the woodwork yelling "anec-data!". Trust your gut and keep looking.

I think it's very difficult to know just from observation if there are more issues today. For one, it wasn't that long ago that many cities had ordinances that actually banned disabled people from being out in public. And things like autism were not diagnosed.

Well as a parent of one such kid, seems like it may be real thing. On other hand I see similar age friends' kids and they look fine. Also since I am dealing with physical disabilities so its more obvious from outside.

Anecdotally, yes.

I have seen more and more friends, relatives, and colleagues, acquaintances- all are facing problems to even conceive.

And more and more children are having serious problems like clinical depression.

I heard (someone can correct me if I'm wrong) as the ages of both partners grows the risk of developmental issues in their potential offspring rises. With it being less likely to occur when peoplw have children younger (20s).

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