For years I’ve felt increasingly physically unwell. Started as dizziness when walking outside. Nowadays I also feel utterly exhausted, and short of breath, often. Kinda like how you feel coming down with the flu, but like most of the time. It’s ruining my life, frankly.
I’ve had many tests done to exclude cardiac or neurological issues, plus a variety of general blood tests etc. Every doctor I’ve seen thinks there is nothing wrong, and at this point I feel embarrassed and ashamed for wasting their time.
So I’m trying to believe them, and I’m trying to work on the assumption that I have some kind of somatic symptom disorder. Pretty sure I’m depressed too, but mostly as a result of this, and the general negative direction it seems to be heading in. Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist and get on medication. I’ve done counselling in the past, which helped to some extent, so perhaps I’ll try it again. I don’t know anybody else who has been through something like this, so I feel a bit isolated in that regard.
Thankfully, I’m able to work, and I have a supportive family/relationship. So it’s not all bad.
One interesting implication is that I don’t give a shit about trivial annoyances in life. To the point where I can barely understand people who complain about e.g someone stealing their parking space or petty office drama. This might sound like a good thing, but I’m not sure. I worry it makes me a bit disconnected from normal life in a way that is probably unhealthy.