Poll: How are you doing currently? | Hacker News Reader

Poll: How are you doing currently?

143 pointswiihack218 comments

Just wish I had more time off. Got a lot of vacation days. But our team is so small that taking the time off makes me feel guilty.

Conversely, if I don't have at least 4 days off in a row I don't know how to just relax and not try to do work.

I don't enjoy watching movies or TV anymore cause all I can think about is the fact that I'm not being productive.

I haven't gone to the movies since 2019 (since COVID) and I've been wanting to go.

But a part of my brain says that I can't spare the 3+ hours that it takes to go to the theatre. That it would be unproductive.

I don't know how to force myself to relax.

But other than I'm mostly good. I'm relatively healthy and am happy to have work and income at a time when people are struggling to get by.

So I honestly have it better than a LLLOT of people. I try not to take my blessings for granted.

I worked at Apple back when they had a sabbatical - 5 weeks after 5 years. I never took vacation. Took off during the Fall vaction+holidays+sabatical=3 months trip around the world. I was deathly afraid that when I returned I'd be so far behind. Guess what - everything was the same. Lesson learned: Take your time off.

It sometimes helps me to remember that resting can be a way of investing in future productivity. A good multi-hour activity, especially one without checking your devices, can have a really non-linear effect on my productivity especially if I have been feeling stuck on a problem. So sometimes the most productive thing to do is to rest :) Hopefully that helps

I will preface this with the caveat that the advice I am giving is easier said than done.

Take vacation. Even if it feels like it will hurt the team, the real thing hurting them (and you) is that there isn't a system of trust between everyone. Take a week off, when you come back, figure out what people were blocked on, what broke that only you could fix, etc. and then work on improving those single points of failure. Driving yourself towards burnout is not doing yourself or your team any favors.

> Just wish I had more time off. Got a lot of vacation days. But our team is so small that taking the time off makes me feel guilty.

Try to remember: If you take time off and the business/team/project suffers, it's not your fault, it's your company's fault for failing to build in a staffing safety margin and failing to plan for the 100% expected event of people using their vacation time.

Why do you think you have to be productive all the time? What a strange idea! Isn’t the point of working that you can then afford to kick back and do whatever you want outside of work?

> But a part of my brain says that I can't spare the 3+ hours that it takes to go to the theatre. That it would be unproductive.

Why is it important to always be productive? What bad things would occur if you were less productive?

> But a part of my brain says that I can't spare the 3+ hours that it takes to go to the theatre. That it would be unproductive.

This kind of thing invades my decision making daily. I "blame" the high-demand for excellence at the tech firms I've worked at, and a personal obsession with self-help. It's whittled down my capacity for fun.

The only thing I've found help is to invest in something else I value highly - a hobby, friendship, family time. At the end of the day TV and movies (while enjoyable) aren't all that important compared to the obligation you feel to co-workers.

Take slowly increasing amounts of time off - think of it as helping to build team resilience. In all seriousness it's a necessary part of team health, and a pre-planned, well-communicated few days is absolute "easy mode" that they can use to ladder up to the inevitable unknown-unknown they will someday have to face.

If nothing else, you will someday retire!

If nothing else, consider that the burn-out is a real thing. If you can't rest, schedule it. Don't allow any work at the scheduled time.

are you unproductive if you are making income and you are doing enough at work to not cost your job. if you are pursuing goals, at work or otherwise, like a promotion, then you feel unproductive doing other things. it will come down to prioritization of tasks. modern day requires a lot of admin work and we are bogged down not knowing how to delegate and manage.

Spending time in nature gets me out of the "I should be doing something now" mode you're talking about.

Brief (15m) daily meditation helps with this as well

I think overall things are better but definitely some areas of worry.

I took last week off and really just enjoyed a staycation of doing whatever I felt like. Practiced guitar, read some, played Magic like every day, and had the time & stress capacity to handle our fridge going out suddenly.

The main thing is I'm worried where things are going. For the first time, because of the market, I'm projected to make less this year than I did last, which is a first. I'm not on board with where my team's roadmap is going. The project I've been working on for two years has been on the chopping block the entire time...while I'm simultaneously told it's "super important." I get calls from my family in Texas as they're having to prepare for major power outages. My wife's super stressed from the school shooting (and we don't even have kids).

For the pay thing, I know I should be looking and applying, but just thinking about interviewing gives me dark thoughts. I just cannot believe that after 10+ years of doing this job and doing it well, I still have to explain to these dipshit recruiters that "no really, I'm a FULL-stack developer. I may not have direct experience with Your Thing but I've worked on a hundred things I didn't know because I can fucking Figure It OUT. I have the degrees, I have the experience. Oh and your little LeetCode problems are bullshit. NO ONE is out there finding the longest increasing subsequence of an integer array." Then I feel guilty for even applying because nearly no one will pay me more than what I currently make and still let me work the strict 9-5 I do. My work isn't stressful, it's just frustrating and pointless. But isn't all work? But how can I stand by a "promotion" that literally resulted in me earning less b/c of how much is in stock?

I guess I should count my blessings. Good health, decent wealth, and good free time. I've been enjoying my hobbies of playing Magic and guitar. The weather is getting to be nice enough for a cookout and I've got a 3day weekend in a few hours.

> stack developer. I may not have direct experience with Your Thing but I've worked on a hundred things I didn't know because I can fucking Figure It OUT. I have the degrees, I have the experience. Oh and your little LeetCode problems are bullshit. NO ONE is out there finding the longest increasing subsequence of an integer array."

If it's any consolation, I have a decade's worth of experience on the job, and I once didn't pass the first-stage leetcode test. I ground leetcode using one of those websites for a week, then failed at one of their questions; one of which I didn't think made sense.

I spoke with the internal recruiter, who attempted to give "feedback" but I said, don't bother, as it isn't really useful. They said my response wasn't the first time he had heard that from people with a lot of experience, but that his hands were tied as the tests were deemed important by their head of technology.

This resonates with me SO MUCH. One time I aced a code test but didn't answer the questions about complexity in "big O" notation because I lack that formal training. My code 100% exposed my understanding of computational complexity but they wanted specific words regurgitated. Ran into that manager at a burn, bagged on him (we're friends!) a bit about it.

Could you clarify "big O" and "a burn"?

Big O notation: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_O_notation

A burn: Have you heard of Burning Man? It's kinda like that, except not in Nevada.

Interviews suck as SDE and it's projected to get worse. I'm not happy with that. This means we have to leetcode forever until we die. (I know there are jobs that don't leetcode test you but, still, I'm talking about big corps.)

Pay the price, study leetcode, find that stupid subsequence. That's a few weeks of your life, which is an ok price if it results in a better pay package/more stable environment/whatever it is you really want.

Would it be better if interviews didn't suck? Sure. Not going to change any time soon.

(OTOH, if it's just an incremental change, maybe not worth it. Do the math, figure out how highly you value a change, and compare to how highly you value, say, three weeks of vacation)

You're absolutely right about just biting the bullet and grinding as it should pay off tenfold for a salary increase. I know it's all really just a numbers game.

The """problem""" is I already make $250-300k. Last year I went through 30 interviews. They either fell through because of salary (they couldn't even come close to my current) or they just straight up lied until the very end about it being remote (name & shame: Notion, Lune, and Spotnana). The time-cost was sunk and net zero value.

The worst taste in my mouth was the recruiters basically negging and gaslighting me for asking as much as I did or saying I couldn't possibly know all the things on my resume. I'm literally doing those things daily and collecting the paycheck every month.

Maybe I'm just in a local maxima? My plan was to rest-and-vest but the vest part ain't happening at the level it was supposed to.

My team is hiring for a remote full-stack position and the interview process is pretty chill. Shoot me an email if interested hn at josh.ml.

Took a new job this month, my first working on a product at any real scale. Maybe it's just the honeymoon phase, but I couldn't be happier. Sure it's a little awkward, but I'll take a remote kubernetes cluster over working in an airgapped network any day. Gladly take Jira over Gantt charts. Pay is excellent. Team is outstanding — and wow (!) is it diverse. It looks like the world.

I feel thankful that:

1. I got in when I did. I don't get the sense that our platform is directly impacted by the turmoil in the markets, but I do think it would've been a lot harder to negotiate my current salary, today.

2. I trusted my instincts over Glassdoor. At the end of the day, I had enough high-quality data points to look beyond the company's abysmal employee reviews there. Namely, all 4 engineers I met during the interview process were kind and patient with me during technicals, and incredibly sharp. Seemed like people I'd want to work with. Really glad that I chose to focus on the right signals, because the company that's described online seems like an entirely different place than where I work.

I teach on the second floor of a city school where budget issues mean we don't have metal doors to the classrooms (older building, first floor has them). Every room has a metal cabinet though, and so our barricade procedure for the room is to lock the door, slide the cabinet in front of it, then kick out the furniture sliders from underneath the cabinet. Today, us second floor teachers pooled our personal money (near end of the school year in the US, discretionary funds are low) to buy reams of printer paper to stack inside and fill the cabinet, so that it has stopping power for bullets. Office supply store was nice enough to give for cost when they found out what it was for.

I don't mean to set off an arms control debate here, especially since I have a particular viewpoint on this, but I've found among many tech workers there's a certain blindness to ground reality. If you have a teacher or educator in your life, please check in on them this week. If you're well-off, or even not as much, understand that your profession is (wrongly or rightly) valued more than ours, so if you organize and amplify the voices of other roles, it will help immensely.

I think it's extremely scary that in the world's richest country, writing stuff about schools like "we don't have metal doors", "our barricade procedure" and "stopping power for bullets" is considered perfectly normal.

I was reading your comment and I just WTF'ed 5 times in a row. As a European, it's hard to wrap my mind around how simultaneously awesome and terrible the US has become. I feel terrible for you, and I'm extremely happy my kids go to a school without guards, without metal doors, with multiple, unguarded entrances, and so on. I hope your countrymen get their shit together and that someday this stuff feels like scary shit from the past. All the best to you until then, this stuff isn't OK and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

It's both insane that we have so many school shootings, and insane that we've spent so much money fortifying schools and traumatizing teachers and kids (find some teachers and ask them how people react even to pre-announced active shooter drills—people break down shaking and crying, have actual fight-or-flight responses kick in, et c., when those fake gunshots start, and that's the adults) in response.

The former is part of a broader sickness with our country, and the latter is part of an entirely different sickness in our country (must "do something", even if it's not justifiable and is net-harmful)

I'm sorry, there are fake gun shots in active shooter drills? What the fucking fuck? That is insane. What possible benefit could there be to that bit of simulation that would outweigh the additional trauma that would cause?

Not to mention all the survivors of school shootings who presumably have the dubious pleasure of being retraumatised on an annual basis. Fuck.

You're right on "do something". But fuck. I never guessed anyone would make it deliberately more traumatic.

I will not argue the efficacy of the drills. I don't support them, I don't know the data, etc.

But, if you're going to do a drill, and it's known to be a drill, practice like you play the game; if loud gunshot sounds freeze your escapees or their teachers to the point where they're not preserving themselves, the drill was for nothing.

Different schools do it different ways, often in cooperation with local law enforcement. Some do things like playing gunshots over a speaker somewhere in the building, others do different things. Most are the kind of activity that can mess people up in perhaps-unexpected ways—and again, that's the adults, let alone kids. There have been some cases of schools & police going way overboard with these things and doing much worse than playing some fake gunshot noises, and those have gotten some press (I think some are on YouTube?) but I don't think that's common. Regardless, even the more "normal" versions are pretty bad.

I worked in a public school about 10 years ago.

They wouldn't tell any of us that the drills were coming. Everyone had to take cover in the classrooms and barricade the doors as the "Intruder Alert" message blared over the loudspeakers. Then someone would come through the halls and bang on every door. It's beyond insane.

This is not so alien to Europe as you seem to think. Over the past 20 years, more people per capita have died in school shootings in Germany than in the US. A European nation was in a similar situation very recently.

What is maybe unique about the US is that nothing will be done, where as Germany added additional gun control laws, and probably will not ever have as deadly a decade for schools as the 2000s again.

I'm not attacking you, it's just a weird side effect of the US dominating discourse on the internet, but there is a certain habit of European HN posts exaggerating differences, one of favorites being something like: "I can't imagine living in the US, it only costs a few euros for my library card, in the US they charge per book, how dystopian" which is uh, just false, but also, Japan actually has a history of fee based lending libraries, and you would never see a similar comment about Japan, it would be celebrated as twee small business.

> Over the past 20 years, more people per capita have died in school shootings in Germany than in the US. A European nation was in a similar situation very recently.

Wikipedia lists 90 deaths in "mass shootings" in Germany for the almost 32 years since 1990 [1]. I'm quite surprised its that high tbh.

Wikipedia also gives a total of 118 deaths in mass ahootings in the US for just the two years 2022 and 2021 [2]. There were no year totals and tbh I gave up counting at that point. But a crude extrapolation back to 1990 gives 1770 deaths.

The population of Germany is 84 million, and the population of the USA is 331 million - ie 4 times larger. So for Germany to have the same number of deaths in mass shootings over that period would have required 442 deaths - almost 5 times the actual number.

So I dont think this statement stands up to scrutiny.

Caveats: These numbers are mass shootings that include school shootings as well as other siruations. The data comes from different sources. Extrapolation of us numbers from two years data. And I did some of the adding-up in my head. I could try to get better data but its friday night and I'm tired.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mass_shootings_in_Germ...

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mass_shootings_in_the_...

My number for these murders in the US was 119, basically taking a similar wikipedia page as the one that you linked to and adding up mass shootings (I used 3 or more as criteria, chosen because of one definition used in one particular US law) at schools, which I defined as k-12, pretty arbitrarily, just what I thought of as "schools."

That gives more in killings in Germany than the US, really due to their particularly brutal 2000s decade, and which does not seem likely to recur, and the US might benefit from looking at the actions Germany took.

The page you linked to is mostly not school shootings, so I don't think it is a good way to examine my statement.

I'm willing to give this the benefit of the doubt if there's a lack of english-language reporting, and I don't want to trivialize as it's tragic wherever it occurs, but

- Wikipedia[1] has six events dating back to 1983 plus one from 1913, with a total of 46 deaths. - CNN[2] only covers 2009-2018, with one German school shooting (to 288 American) - Infoplease[3] lists mass shootings (not just schools) worldwide from '96 to 2021, with four German shootings and 36 deaths.

At 4x the population of Germany, the US (again, Wikipedia[4]) passed 180 deaths counting from Jan 2000 to June 2014 across 65 fatal shootings (there's many more with just injuries).

Looking at just "mass" incidents (5+ deaths) to filter out all the 1-2 casualty isolated incidents in the US that get overreported, those two wikipedia sources list two German shootings with 17 and 16 deaths since 2000 compared to the US with thirteen: 10, 6, 33, 6, 7, 27, 6, 5, 10, 6, 17, 10, 22, which is a ratio over 1:5. The math for your claim does add up per capita for just the decade 2000-2009 (both German @ 33, first four US @ 55).

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:School_shootings_in_G...

[2] https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/21/us/school-shooting-us-versus-...

[3] https://www.infoplease.com/us/crime/timeline-of-worldwide-sc...

[4] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_th...

I'm not suggesting under-reporting of German mass shootings in English (well, outside of the 1-2 casualty incidents which you also note), I just used a count from wikipedia. I suspect the difference in our numbers is whether you include shootings at University. I didn't, but that is a completely arbitrary call, maybe they should be included. I'm not trying to create a ranking or hierarchy, just emphasizing that not everywhere is say, the UK, which as far as I know has had 0 school shootings since 2000.

I actually think focussing on the mass casualty count aspect is misplaced. I don't spend my time at work worried about how wrong things went, I worry about how bad an incident of that sort could have been given a less favourable set of circumstances.

ie. Yes someone got onto the network, but they were dumb and got blocked having done no damage. Is it serious because of the potential or not because of the lack of impact? I claim the former!

As such, the only ratio I care about is frequency of people shooting other people at schools (per capita, sure). On that measure, I am expectant USA is a world leader?

I suspect if not the world leader, the world leader among wealthy countries (Some South American countries have shockingly high murder rates overall, so those would be the others to check I think, though those murders might have a different sort of etiology). It would require a little more work to determine, since lower impact incidents in other countries are less reported on English wikipedia than those in the US, and even in the US I suspect they're not comprehensively cataloged.

It is not “books are expensive”-dystopian.

It’s “My cousin who is studying video editing through YouTube because college was too expensive is helping us make a video for my daughter’s Gofunme cancer treatment“-dystopian.

> Over the past 20 years, more people per capita have died in school shootings in Germany than in the US.

This is absolutely not true and can be verified by a few minutes research on Wikipedia

> Over the past 20 years, more people per capita have died in school shootings in Germany than in the US.

Any stats to back that up? Seems completely counter-factual.

You can see the basic methodology in sibling comments, just some counting on wikipedia, really hinging on whether you include Universities (I did not).

But a less controversial way of putting it is that other countries, including European ones, have had comparable incidents, and we can compare what they did with the US.

Who says it's considered normal? It reads like unproductive catastrophizing to me. In the unlikely event of a school shooting, I doubt "metal doors" or "barricade procedures" will make any difference.

This is a thread about "how do you feel". GGP's comment started with metal doors, not with "we're freaked out about shootings". I might have been reading their tone wrong, but to me, the comment reads as if metal doors are a staple ingredient of any decent school, and not having them is a source for stress. That very much suggests that in the author's circles, such talk is commonplace.

For context, I've never seen a school with metal doors in my life and my only association with metal doors (until today) is prisons.

To be fair, part of my post was getting it off my chest. There's definitely a backlash to when these things happen that attempts to rationalize them i.e. "They don't happen that often!" and "The media seizes on these grandiose events to fear-monger!" Every school in America has devoted thought to this after Sandy Hook. Robb Elementary in Uvalde did too. Metal doors and barricading may have limited the loss of life to one or two classrooms.

I appreciate this, thank you. I have quite a few friends that went to Germany for graduate school and really cherish that lifestyle, to the point where they're hesitant to come back and are considering starting a family there.

Current day USA is the love child of South Park and GTA. You can't even parody it properly anymore, because it's become a continuous self-parody.

And best/worst of all, its inhabitants don't even notice.

The US education system is a patchwork of schools systems of wildly different quality based on the student population.

>how simultaneously awesome and terrible the US has become

It's still significantly better than it used to be.

> Today, us second floor teachers pooled our personal money..

> If you're well-off, or even not as much, understand that your profession is (wrongly or rightly) valued more than ours

It's some weird science fiction reality we live in where those responsible for raising the next generation of our race are compensated minimally and asked for so much. While a lot of us reel in 10x a teacher's salary to improve business processes which are mostly just selling non-essential goods.

I used to participate in reddit's teacher gift program. Are you on this?

First I'm hearing about this, but sounds wonderful. We were told we would be reimbursed, and they're generally good about that sort of thing, but thank you!

Please consider looking at places like DonorsChoose if you'd like to donate money, especially to towns away from large cities. It's my hope that we can get more active citizen participation in education reform, so if possible consider local activism. The scene can be messy and frustrating but it should offer you greater visibility in the ways money can change the paradigm and expectations of the system.

And to be fair, I've been looking at getting out of teaching and landing a job in data analysis myself, so I'm not as pure of motive as many think teachers are. This last week has just really pushed me to make this my last year of teaching.

It is so sad, and infuriating(!) that you have to do this. It seems that an immediate action the federal government could do is devote funding toward 'fortification' of schools. Others know better that I how best to do this but it seems like something realistic that could happen now (unlike almost any gun control measure, or even something foolhardy like arming teachers (IMO)).

When I came in as a new teacher, I had the same thoughts regarding school fortification. We have two armed guards at school and metal detectors. One guard at front door, the other roving. Our district actually got low 9 figures in stimulus to pay off decades of loan debt resulting from mismanagement and to make significant infrastructure improvements last year. We get metal doors next year, need the summer to install everything.

This is all to say that my opinion of fortifying schools has drifted closer to our shared opinion of arming teachers; it creates a prison atmosphere (one that I've seen at other schools, I'm lucky to teach in the best one in the city), and that low-trust environment is not conducive to learning.

At my most frustrated I am 100% "take everyone's guns away," then being pragmatic I'd rather the money go to mandatory buybacks and background checks and a registration system like the one we have for vehicles that puts pressure on manufacturers and sellers, as well as buyers to renew and recertify or else be in breach of regulation.

The Democrats are not interested in anything that isn't gun control, and the Republicans aren't interested in gun control.

$40b to Ukraine though? Full bipartisan support, passed in no time at all.

You do the math.

I think the answer to education is to break up large schools and have schools that are no larger than 100-150 kids in total. 10x the number of schools and have individual attention to kids and teachers both. Fire the bad teachers quickly. Have larger communal facilities for things like sports and more outdoor activities like a form of scouts.

I understand the impulse for smaller schools, trust me. I think you'd be surprised to look into city schools and the capacities they were originally built for, compared to the amount of students they serve today. Part of that is land value and construction costs, but many urban schools are in a version of just-in-time maintenance. Your solution for more smaller schools is at play in suburban areas, and result in some really high-quality private schools. In the US at least, most school expenses are funded through property tax, so higher land value and wealthier areas are able to support better schools.

IMO there's a lot of credentialism in education already, need a master's degree to be certified (I do not, so I am a beneficiary of the shortage of math teachers since they needed to relax requirements to get people in classrooms). You can imagine my views on teachers' unions differ from yours, but firing bad teachers presumes supply outstrips demand.

High schools in particular have already become those communal neighborhood facilities for sports with baseball, basketball, tennis courts.

I think a lot of people don't realize the class size disparity across the country: I certainly didn't.

A few years ago I had to write a software application for a non-profit running a program for schools in the Los Angeles (I think: somewhere in Southern CA) area. In our rural school district, a class with 30 students would be a lot. In her school district, there was no class that had fewer than 30 students. I was in shock; she probably already knew that.

And before anyone asks, yes, my kids go/went to public school.

Currently existing schools can't find enough teachers. There definitely wouldn't be enough teachers to make this work even half way.

Respectfully, nobody asked your opinion. Your reply is not responsive at best.

This is a discussion, and there was nothing disrespectful about what he said. Respectfully, nobody asked for to jump in and be an ass.

This is one of those issues that people have a myriad of solutions for that they want to share, and I've just learned to appreciate the mental effort as it's usually coming from a genuine place. Too often though it's like, "if we just changed urban zoning laws and new construction requirements and how society operates and the societal expectations of parents, children, and child-rearing, we could really solve this gun problem!"

Sure, but IMO let's get guns out of people's houses and harder to get period.

Hey, Keybase is owned by Zoom now, FYI..

I do value the teaching profession, I wish the pay was better. Despite the current events, I do not think they need more protection. I am in favor of gun control and I am in no way saying there are not issues.

If you look up professions with the highest death rates. Teacher's are fairly low on the list, if they show up at all. https://www.insidermonkey.com/blog/15-professions-with-the-h...

The collective trauma to kids in the USA who don't feel safe at school is heart-breaking. Trauma doesn't evaporate, it warps you. Especially at that age.

The statistics of it being improbable to die at school are no salve.

For comparison, the Washington Post[0] says:

"The Education Department reports that roughly 50 million children attend public schools for roughly 180 days per year. ... That means the statistical likelihood of any given public school student being killed by a gun, in school, on any given day since 1999 was roughly 1 in 614,000,000."

So in a given (180 day) year, such a child has a 1 in 3.4 million chance of dying, which means the equivalent annual death rate out of 100,000 children is 0.029 children.

The article you link to says that the annual death rate per 100,000 "Police and sheriff’s patrol officers" is 14.6 which is a few orders of magnitudes bigger, although children don't have as much control over whether they go to public schools as cops have over which job they do.

[0] https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/school-shootings-are-...

You appear to be conflating children with teachers. I was commenting on teacher risk, and linked deaths by profession. What you responded with was children, which are not teachers, or even a profession.

Forgive me if my statistic caused the topic to stray away from the issue of teacher safety. The recent tragedy in Uvalde did involve the deaths of more students than teachers, which I assume is typical for such events, but on the other hand there are probably more teachers than school students leaving comments on this topic, so you're right, it may be better to limit consideration to just professions for now.

Appreciate your wishes for better pay and stance on gun control. One of the subjects I teach is stats, and I wish I could draw comfort from that statistic myself.

Have a high-paying job in IT (DevOps, Cloud), same company for 10 years, two kids and a loving wife that are luckily supportive of my situation.

February Had my first depressive phase in January. 2 days where I could not get out of bed and don't remember what happened. The weeks after that were kind of blurry, almost like watching myself from the outside. I could not trust my own judgements and had to refrain from verbal communication due to being snappy and overly agressive. Started a diary, writing down my thoughts and feelings and in hindsight it is really difficult to believe that I wrote those lines. Many things stopped making sense. Material values became disgusting and I feel that the things I do at work do not have any impact. What worried me the most is not enough quality time with the kids. I simply do not have the energy after 8h of meaningless work to inspire and teach them the way I would like. How can I preach values and be a role model if I'm stuck at a job I don't like anymore?

April Fast forward two months. I took the best decision I had in the last couple years. Took three weeks off from from work, family and the internet. Spent them in a different country with people whom life dealt way worse cards than me. Helps to put things into perspective. Those three weeks alone helped me to put priorites back into place and appreciate the thing I have. Stopped watching the news and don't give a flying f about work anymore. Will quit at the end of the year and hopefully find something more meaningful.

"Stopped watching the news"

I did this back in the early `80s when living in Los Angles. Back then I'd get off work, grab some fast food on the way home, and then turn on the TV News and watch it. The station I'd watch was, at the time, a model for today's "FOX News" and is now a FOX station. They had 3, 1/2 hour news programs back to back. The first 1/2 hour was local LA/Californa news, the 2nd was US news, the 3rd was World News.

In each of those shows they focused on murders, robberies, car crashes, etc. By the end of the 3rd show I'd be so depressed I felt like shit. Finally, one day, I realized I couldn't consume every awful thing they broadcast because, and more importantly, most all of it didn't effect me personally.

So I quit watching the "News", and it didn't take long at all before I was enjoying life again.

Nowadays I "monitor" the news as opposed to "consuming" it. I don't watch any News at all on TV. I watch selected videos on YouTube to get the gist of a story and when the opining starts I move on.

Your timing matches with the winter "seasonal affective disorder", where you felt depressive at the peak of winter and became better in spring.

Not great. Probably a better day than others given I had sex for the first time since I got divorced. Admittedly - it was not with someone I expected or had a strong desire for. I just seemed to follow through as to avoid an even longer dry spell and gather more data on what some women think about me. Not really surprising but women who will have sex with you tend to think highly of you. Fortunately - I also tend to be an underpromise and overdeliver personality… so expectations are usually never that high.

Since my divorce, things have been rough. They were rough before but at least I had a partner. I don’t have kids and am in my early 30’s but the separation and lack of support network has been really evident the last year. Desiring kids and seeing no hope for that happening has been quite difficult to live with.

I’ve decided to quit my job/hope I get fired (severance), live off a meager amount of savings (failed IPO has basically taken any savings I had built up and invested into stock options), and solo travel in Europe for 2-3 months or whatever I can withstand emotionally/financially. I’ll be going to events and meeting people that participate in a mutual hobby. It’s not going to be great timing because it will be insufferably hot but I have no choice here. I have to change things and keep iterating. I’m looking at leaving SV after being here for 7 years and moving to NYC - not because I like nyc or will enjoy it more but simply because dating as a straight man in SV is one of the hardest places in the world. There are 50% more single men than women in Santa Clara County between 25-34. The ratio isn’t much better in SF (especially when you consider many men commute into the city). It’s just too difficult and it’s hard to differentiate from the crowd - plus lots of women have trauma/stigma built into the persona that they’ll hammer onto me (even if I am wildly different).

So, yeah, shit sucks but I’m doing what I’ve always done - trying extremely hard, changing strategies, and pushing forward as always.

Being single in SV must be hell. The gender imbalance in tech is so bad - it's made me think a few times I need to get out if I just want to meet someone.

Maybe consider moving to Europe and learning a local language? Pay may not be as great, but life does flow slower here, and people come off as less materialistic and career focused.

Have you considered Raleigh NC area? I hear the winters are warmer, more favorable tax situation, and good jobs. A lot of young New Yorkers are moving to that area.

Not great. I got separated and have been struggling with depression the last couple years. I'm stuck in a foreign, expensive location paying spousal support so I barely have any money left over and no family and few friends. Rents keep going up and I don't see how I'm ever going to buy a place now or retire. My single friends who are junior to me are grinding leetcode and getting into big tech companies, making twice as much as me, which makes me feel left behind. I'm either in single dad mode or spending my free time catching up on household jobs, and preparing for interviews is really tough to fit in (but I started doing it anyways). I feel completely stuck and screwed, now throw the anxiety of interviews on top of that, and I can never relax. Just steeling myself now for failing my interviews due to lack of time to prepare.

compare yesterday's you vs today's you. comparing yourself to others is a losing game, often detrimental. I'd consider moving away from the current place of living and reorganize your thoughts.

Thanks for the words. Can't move due to custody arrangements, unfortunately. I dream of simply leaving it all behind, but I'm not willing to lose my kids so I endure for their sake.

I suggest you to speak to a mental mentor. I never thought of doing it but recently did and it helped me.

I have a friend who went through similar. I've known him about 10 years now. Trust me it gets better over time. He did move to another state(province in Canada) though.

This too shall pass, and don't forget to speak to a friend

Tend to swing between extremes but mostly just frustrated. There's a new crisis every five minutes following by politicians handling it extremely poorly with zero integrity. Why do we put the most greedy and foolish people into power?

For once, I just want to know things are getting better in the world. It's not doomscrolling that's done this to me. It's just being conscious of what's happening. There isn't much good news going around. I might be a nerd but I couldn't give a fuck about SpaceX launching a new rocket or something, that doesn't constitute "good" news in my eyes.

I'm working hard, doing what I do best, and earning good money. But I'm still being punished financially and it feels like my goals are moving further away, not getting closer. What's the point anymore?

I’m being depressed by the news as well. Everything seems to get worse every month. it’s been like that since 2016. It kind of feels like a nightmare. Like an America movie except the bad guys win.

I’d love to hear that it’s just the media going crazy, and me falling for doomscrolling. I was more or less immune to this, but then Ukraine invasion happened. I feel powerless.

I voted kind of okay. Feeling somewhat trapped in basic loop, which is particularly annoying considering how it's no longer winter and nice outside.

Job's doing pretty well, pays pretty well for my geographic region (nowhere close to SV wages though), main client is pretty good and the project should have high impact and I'm doing significant work on it, but it's not in a field that particularly interests me.

In my spare time I'm helping a non-profit as kind of a mentor for junior engineers as well as a little dev work here and there. Sometimes I feel guilty about not putting more time and effort into it than I do.

Also trying to work on my own video game projects in my spare time as well, but finding the energy and motivation for it has been pretty low lately.

But it really just feels like my life revolves around three C's: coding, cleaning, and cooking. And taking the dogs on walks a 3-4 times a week. Haven't done a whole lot social lately, most of my friends have kind of drifted a bit since the pandemic. Wanting to go out in nature more but it feels like I need most of that time to make any progress on projects.

And I want to go on trips but they've gotten so expensive and my wife has very limited PTO this year anyway, so we only have one significant trip planned much later in the year and even that is a compromise from what we originally planned (now only driving one state away for a week, instead of go halfway across the country to see a couple national parks for two weeks).

But hey, could be a lot worse. And financially we're a lot better off than most Americans, especially right now.

When student loan payments start kicking in again in September that's going to hurt, though. Not for me, mine are paid off, but my wife has some pretty large ones. She's been paying them down some during this time, but not with as large of payments as she'll need to when they start up again (it's a little over half a mortgage payment every month).

You know how they say the least 20% of a project takes 80% of the time. I'm at that phase of one. I've the strict feature-set and roadmap ready but I can't just can't seem to finish it.

I'm not burnt out. I just want to start another project, learn another thing, but I'm forcing (in a good way, I believe) to complete this project and release it to friends and in a couple online forums. And yes, start using it myself! :)

Thanks for asking. Thanks for reading. I wish every one well!

Oof I’m in exactly the same spot at work for a project I’m running. It seems so close but every step forward seems to be uncovering one more step before the finish line.

Not great tbh. Might just use this opportunity to rant a bit. Maybe it’ll be cathartic.

For years I’ve felt increasingly physically unwell. Started as dizziness when walking outside. Nowadays I also feel utterly exhausted, and short of breath, often. Kinda like how you feel coming down with the flu, but like most of the time. It’s ruining my life, frankly.

I’ve had many tests done to exclude cardiac or neurological issues, plus a variety of general blood tests etc. Every doctor I’ve seen thinks there is nothing wrong, and at this point I feel embarrassed and ashamed for wasting their time.

So I’m trying to believe them, and I’m trying to work on the assumption that I have some kind of somatic symptom disorder. Pretty sure I’m depressed too, but mostly as a result of this, and the general negative direction it seems to be heading in. Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist and get on medication. I’ve done counselling in the past, which helped to some extent, so perhaps I’ll try it again. I don’t know anybody else who has been through something like this, so I feel a bit isolated in that regard.

Thankfully, I’m able to work, and I have a supportive family/relationship. So it’s not all bad.

One interesting implication is that I don’t give a shit about trivial annoyances in life. To the point where I can barely understand people who complain about e.g someone stealing their parking space or petty office drama. This might sound like a good thing, but I’m not sure. I worry it makes me a bit disconnected from normal life in a way that is probably unhealthy.

I'm on a similar boat with general malaise, breathing issues, and insomnia. Has been going on for about 2 years and has destroyed my quality of life and ability to do any kind of physical activity. Doctors have no idea and have essentially just told me to live with it.

It seems like being caught in limbo - being just well enough to work and subsist but too ill to go out and really do things. I just keep hoping one day it will just got away.

Have you examined your home (twice!) for environmental issues?

Mold is the one that keeps coming up in things I've read about long-term health mysteries.

I can relate that I feel a lot like this too and the strange part is, I can work and perform as if nothing is wrong. Once I leave work, I want to do nothing, go no where, just stay home and think as little as possible until I have to do it all again the next day. Further, I've started in the last month to have episodes where I lose my memory and I go a few minutes without reacting to verbal commands to even answering questions not being aware that I'm out of it. CT showed no issues, blood no issues, cardiac so far no issues. Next step is neuro.

Past few months were going really well, until Monday I would have answered “very good”. This week went downhill very quickly. So, currently quite bad and taking time off to take care of myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Take care of your mental health folks!

Well done, on the taking time off - future you will thank you for that.

Not great.

A bit more than two years ago my wife went back home to Japan to give birth to our daughter. Then covid hit and her stay there was prolonged. At some point she decided she'd rather stay there permanently.

I accepted that she wasn't going to change her mind, so I started doing everything I can to prepare for a variety of possible futures: - Learning web development to transition from my current career as a university lecturer in an unrelated subject, as this would give me the possibility to sooner or later work remote which might allow me to move to Japan, and/or earn more so that I don't end up struggling to make ends meet in case of a divorce. - Learning Japanese to a level where I can read most things and hold a decent conversation, to make the option of moving to Japan viable.

I went to Japan for a month recently and realized that it's basically impossible for me as a foreigner to ever have a satisfying social life there, despite speaking the language to a decent level. I'm not sure I can live there without completely destroying what's left of my mental health.

Now that I feel just about ready to start applying to some React/Node jobs, the market crashes and from what I've read many companies here in Europe are implementing hiring freezes, especially on Junior roles. On top of that the market in Austria has never been anywhere near as good as some other places. Of course I only need one job, but it's very demotivating.

Most days I spend 14-16 hours between my current job, commute, programming, and language learning. I basically enjoy all three of those things, but the grind is wearing me out. I find that when I take time to meet family and friends I'm so exhausted mentally that I often barely participate in conversations, and feel guilty the whole time that I'm not being productive.

"At some point she decided she'd rather stay there permanently."

I don't know anything about you or your relationship, but in my experience that is not how a healthy relationship works. The couple decides together what is best for both. So right there that seems like a huge red flag. Another thing is. Have you talked with her about your difficulties? Finally, it's probably a good idea to talk to a therapist (or a good friend) to get some outside perspective. Hope you get better soon.

Edit: Also, most foreigners share the same experience of moving to Japan.

For what it's worth, I moved to the United States at some point halfway to adulthood, and I felt the way you describe for about eight years. It took me about three to grok the language, but where I landed was so culturally homogeneous and alien that every day I dreamed of moving back.

It took me moving to a different state (and a very diverse city) to be able to find places where I felt a little closer to belonging. I'm not sure where in Japan you are, but I wonder if certain places or even neighborhoods might be a little easier to integrate into from the start than others?

In any case, I think conversations about whether the relationship is right or not are a little beside the point. You have a child together! Continue doing what you feel is right (i.e., it seems – trying to make it so that your daughter has a father figure for at least a little while in her formative life). I really wish mine had done that. I wouldn't focus on whether you'll stay in Japan permanently or not – just one step at a time for now, and you can always move back in a few years. Maybe your wife will follow you back just as you followed her this time, maybe not, but at least you'll have made some cherished memories with your daughter.

As someone who lived in a bunch of countries with and without English or my native language (Dutch); I would say; just try it. There are many places where you won’t mesh with the locals generally; I was in hk and Shanghai for years and social life was great but, even though there were some native colleagues who wanted to hang out, most social life and including some new friends were expats. I had the same experience in some countries here in the eu where I lived. The language barrier isn’t really the problem in my experience; often times it is the incredibly culture shock that you (or maybe them) won’t get over anyway and if you accept that, it will be fine. Like someone else said; you can always move back; people take things so ‘final’ for some reason. See where time takes you and your new young family over the coming 5-15 years. Maybe after that time your wife is ready to move again with your kid(s). Life is short but by the sound of it, you have 70-80 years left; start with the coming 5 and go from there.

What were your barriers while living in Japan? Have been here for five years now, don't mind it at all...

I've felt very much in limbo for a few years. I'm facing some one-way doors about where I want to spend the next chapter/decade of my life. My reaction is mostly of fear.

Move back to my home country where my friends and family are. I only really like the lifestyle of the downtown core of a single city there. I'd give up permanent residency to the U.S. Pay cut would be to 1/3rd my current salary with a similar cost of living - probably never afford to buy a home. But I'd be closer to people I care about. And maybe live a life of not striving for more.

Or stay in the US where I currently am. I'm quite lonely, but enjoy a very comfortable lifestyle and US cities are beautiful and culturally interesting to me. I'm well compensated in my field, and not even near the ceiling. Could retire 15 years earlier here than otherwise. But always feel like I chose to be away from the people I love.

try for 3 months and come back. if you are happier there stay there.

I did try this. "happy" is complicated for me. I'm perhaps pricing in too much of the future into this decision, but it's pretty life-constraining over the longer term so I think less about the day-to-day and more about future.

Pretty demotivated, working only lightly but still on the verge of burnout. Currently upgrading and older Rails 5 project to Rails 7. The Ruby part is okay, but guess what, dealing with JS sucks in a new, different way. Again.

Really looking forward to the summer though, I got an inflatable kayak (my first boat ever) and so far it's been a blast.

I got our app up to Rails 7 and it's refreshing. I also did the hard work to replace webpacker with esbuild and dartsass. Build times went from 14 minutes to < 2m and I could shave some more of that off with a bit of effort.

I'm taking every opportunity to replace stimulus reflex with turbo and that's paying dividends, too.

Also, I've bought a 15' West Wight Potter and am doing a bunch of work on that (well, the trailer right now, but once the trailer is done I can start on the boat). Looking forward for this foundational work to start paying off when I go sailing around the islands over summer.

> The Ruby part is okay, but guess what, dealing with JS sucks in a new, different way. Again.

Struggling with this also. It's crazy how "dealing with assets" has been the weak spot for Rails so consistently all these years (even though the specifics behind it have changed entirely 3+ times or more now).

I have an inflatable kayak, too! Love it.

Thanks for asking. I typed it all out, erased it and feel a lot better now.

Happy to hear that :)

After years of hard work to get to a point where I've got a good, well-paying job, a great boss, and a great team, I've been disappointed to realize that my company absolutely cannot fix a serious infrastructure/process issue in my org. It's a shame but I'll probably have to leave over this -- there's another team that constantly screws up MY team's output, making us look bad, botching our deadlines, and preventing us from committing to future improvements we absolutely want to do.

And word comes down from on high that we can't just stop consuming from the screwup team -- in fact, they're giving them MORE resources because they're super important and they'll totally not screw it up this time. Hard pass from me, the people on that team have not operated in good faith in the past, I can't imagine they'll start now, especially when they realize that there are no repercussions for their behavior.

Add in the mess that is society today, the fact that I don't believe in our economic system enough to truly plan for long-term stuff like retirement, kids, house buying, etc. Honestly I'd rather just move to Europe than deal with the USA...

Kind of sucks when you do everything right but other people drop the ball. Feels like that at work, and in society in general now.

I've been at the same company (more-or-less, due to acquisitions) for nearly 25 years, and I'm burning out, edging closer to pulling the eject lever. It's a bit daunting, since I haven't been to a job interview since the 90s. And I strongly suspect the reasons I want to leave won't necessarily be any better elsewhere.

It will necessarily be different — because it sounds like you'll demand that it be, if you make a jump!

So much variety in workplaces, especially now, and you being senior, you should have your pick.

What are you trying to avoid?

I'm doing insanely well. Figured out that I could travel abroad while working my day job and that has completely transformed how I look at "vacations". No more checking if I have enough PTO. Currently exploring Spain, get up every morning and explore town and do touristy things, then sit out on my balcony and work from after lunch till around dinner time (like 10PM here), go out with friends. Rinse and repeat.

Sort of similar situation, I moved to Spain and am currently working from a small off-grid farm in a rural pueblo. I’m in the middle of building the bathroom after installing a pump and water heater

It’s been a rough year for me. Was burnt out from working 70 hours a week at a small startup so I decided to start interviewing.

Hit my head and had severe concussion symptoms for about four months. It was extremely difficult to manage work and still try to prep for interviews. Kept putting them off til January. Those several months were really crappy and I missed out on a lot of nice things planned with friends and family.

I interviewed a bunch in January and got a bunch of offers!

But my grandma died. Not too bad because she lived a long and healthy life but still sad. Silver lining is that I flew home and got to see my whole extended family. Also nice to see my core family since COVID interrupted our holidays.

2 days after flying back and accepting a job offer, my dad died of a heart attack. No words to describe it really.

My mom was dependent upon him and I’m the oldest child so pretty much everything has fallen to me. It’s been stressful managing the finances which are a lot worse than I thought. Fortunately my dad ran a small consulting business but I’ve had to take it over and it’s all unfamiliar. I’ve finally gotten it to a mostly stable place and we’re hoping to renew our contracts later this year, but I’m afraid that process will be stressful too.

The job I accepted is at a certain well known company that’s been experiencing a bit of a circus in the media and my job security is now at risk.

I also just got COVID and had to miss my partner’s family reunion. My other grandma just died and I’m starting to get worried about what’s next.

Overall it gives perspective I guess but still sucks. I keep a journal and it’s sad how long it’s been since I’ve had a pleasant weekend. Hopefully things trend up from here

You must be very disoriented. If I were you wouldn't even come to hacker news but you did. You are already doing well. Hope you pull through this.

Thank you for the kind words. I saw your post that you're not doing well, and I'm sorry for that. I recently did the leetcode grind so I can empathize with that to some degree. It was a lot of misery for several months for me before it started clicking. Keeping track of my progress in an excel sheet made me feel better too. I could see how many problems I'd done and I could compare my stats to the past to demonstrate my progress. Best of luck with that and everything else in your life. Let me know if you want any more specific help/advice with the leetcode!

The current chapter is coming to an end. It will get messy, and it will be expensive. The next chapter will be different (solo), in another environment. I've stopped caring about money (or running out, at least). Whatever will be, will be.

Not OK, but I'm OK with not being OK…for now, anyway.

Open to chat? I identify with this.

Always.

hellopetespeaking@protonmail.com

Just ended a 10 year relationship, better than most people have in a divorce I guess as we were not married and didn’t have children - the major point of contention.

I wanted to start a family and build something lasting, and my partner apparently didn’t.

I now have to go ahead and learn all the new “rules” for dating, and seek a new partner with all the misses that it would probably entail. Not what I wanted at all, but thankfully the lifespan sciences are picking up speed and I would be able to (somewhat) maintain my biological age while I do this search, and not “loose” much.

At least I’m still in my 30s so I think I have time to do it right.

I am _sooo_ fricking thankful to be a developer at this particular time so I don’t need to worry that much about my financial situation and future, if I had to so so on top of what I’m currently going through, it would have been brutal…

I feel for you. If you did in fact "just" get out of the relationship, I strongly recommend taking a while off dating to just be single and rediscover who YOU are, on your own. I don't mean you can't go out/on dates or have a sex life, just that you should keep an eye out for the temptations of a rebound relationship that isn't actually a good fit or happening for the right reasons. It's a real hazard and one best avoided. Source: went through it myself after getting out of a long non-marriage relationship some years ago.

Good advice. What really helped after my breakup was just the time being with myself. It definitely takes some time to get used to it but now im even more happy that I just didn't took the next best chance to be in a relationship again.

Yeah will try to for sure, my friends are all advising the same, thanks for the advice too.

Mostly good

1. Son graduated High School and was excepted at college

A bit sad

1. 19 families will not be able to watch their children do the same. 2. Americans cannot seem too differentiate between a right to own a gun and the right to own a gun that can commit mass murder.

Long Covid limited my ability to do things, now eye surgery reduces me to sitting in front of a screen for about 3 months... it hurts to look down, looking forward doesn't, and it was my dominant eye.... the gas bubble they injected is about 40%, so I'm past half way... but it's really not a fulfilling existence right now.

Hopefully I'll be doing much better towards the end of summer. 8)

PS: In the meanwhile, I've got some programming projects to try.

Detached retina? (personally at very high risk for one, and the gas bubble and limited mobility was a clue.)

Just went through complicated cataracts surgery myself -- sending best wishes over to you for fast and solid healing. I know it isn't as good as an action, but you have this stranger's thoughts briefly in mind.

Yep... woke up, and couldn't see my nose from my right eye (the dominant one!)... IMMEDIATELY called my ophthalmologist and got an emergency appointment, then told my Wife. She was impressed and happy I took initiative.

It seems I was lucky, and my quick action delayed further damage.

My mom had the same thing happen years back, and she waited a few days, to see if things would get better on their own. I learned from her experience not to wait.

Mostly good.

The last few years have been rather tumultuous for all the usual reasons - the pandemic, seeing the team I managed (including me!) get laid off out of the blue just as the country entered its first covid shut-down.

For an encore, I had just started building a house and were only a couple of weeks past the point where I could have pulled the plug on that without incurring significant losses - so, unemployed and committed to increasing my debt just as income disappeared and nobody hired. Oops.

I've since found new work in the same sector I got laid off from, and at my current employer the culture is vastly better - from churning away at a large multinational to being an appreciated contributor in a small company, I really feel like Steve Jobs' quip - why join the navy when you can be a pirate? I certainly feel like a pirate now, in the Sid Meier's 'Pirates' kind of way.

Much more fun than being in the navy.

On a personal level, I believe I am past peak busy time with the kids - the youngest one is six now, and I finally, for the first time in more than a decade, find myself occasionally having time off to do something I enjoy, rather than something I have to do.

I've taken up photography again (was serious to the point where I had to decide back in the late paleolithic whether I wanted to become a professional photographer or go to engineering school - engineering won)

Also, I've started digging into the backlog of books and movies I've accumulated over the past decade, and even started building a decent home theater in the barn; disposable income is now higher than it was before I took on more debt while building a house, as my new job pays better and I also have a stable income from a couple of side gigs which basically are hobbies, but people are willing to pay me for the end product, which pleases (and surprises!) me no end.

So, all things considered, I probably should have sprung for a 'Very good' rather than 'Mostly good'.

Good poll, it made me sit down to consider how I felt for a few minutes. Surprisingly good, as it turns out. Thanks!

Very bad. Struggling dealing with an autism / aspergers diagnosis and trying to understand how to re-enter the workforce after a few years of being under or unemployed.

It's a complete nightmare. I want to work but I struggle with communication and being understood (or understanding) the world around me.

I have been waiting on news about a job all week and not a peep. I'm pretty sure they are waiting till EOD Friday to tell me no.

The idea of starting the job hunt over again makes me sick and trying to concentrate and focus when I'm stressed like this every single day is destroying me as a person.

I got to go fishing yesterday though, that was nice. My life would be perfect if I could find a way to stop failing as a person. Every day I'm afraid I'll lose everything because I can't "make it happen" and turn things around.

I'm sorry to hear that. From a faraway stranger, I'd say:

• Your written communication, in this comment, and via a quick look at other recent comments, appears excellent. Whatever your other comms/awkwardness concerns, writing can be a channel-for-connection, & for productive-economic interactions, for you even long before other relationships & skills find-their-grounding.

• You're right to prioritize finding employment. The rhythm of doing something useful, with other people, at any scale, can have beneficial spillover effects on mood, self-worth, etc – even after accounting for all the day-to-day frustrations of imperfect/difficult teams/coworkers. Concentration on the work can give the other anxieties/injuries "time to heal".

• Beware over-focusing on any one opportunity, however. The world is very big. The kinds of work/teams/cultures available vary massively, so there is some work/team that's suitably fit to both your talents & weaknesses & future potential – but it may take time, & even many abortive relationships, to find. Give yourself permission-to-"fail" N times, and N+1 times – as long as any new info & practice is acquired each cycle, it's a success at sampling-more-of-the-possibility space. Try to focus on what the world told you about the world, good and bad, rather than primarily self-ruminations.

• Also, we're likely entering a somewhat more-challenging economic time, with more delay/rejection from employers – and you should remember that's nothing to do with you specifically. Don't let outside things not under your control falsely imply any extra negative-self-evaluations.

• Get "out of your head" with things like fishing, physical activity, outdoor activity, etc as much as possible. They inherently remind people of the larger world, of essential human capabilities to move and interact, even when any number of other things aren't working. All exertion helps build background capabilities, in the mind & body, even unconsciously – and even just "stewing-in-thought" usually goes better if you're moving, in nature, with varied (not overly-familiar) surroundings.

You're obviously at a low point, but the fact that you can see that, talk about that, and consider other things that might remix your situation means it needn't last too long.

Thank you for this comment.

It's been a long process but I hope whatever job I end up at next is something new or different from my previous experiences.

Awesome comment

> I want to work but I struggle with communication and being understood (or understanding) the world around me.

I struggled with this a lot because it didn't come naturally to me at all. These particular resources had an outsized impact on my ability to communicate (but they were by no means all of it.) I hope they can help you too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gtU-otxtPA&list=PLaZ37TOxDl...

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MWYZPCR

This is really cool thank you for sharing.

Failing as a person is if you betray your friends, if you kick someone who is already down, taking advantage of people, etc. THAT is failing as a person.

You are not failing as a person. Do not define your self-worth as you having a job or money. You are going through hard times. Everyone goes through hard times. That doesn’t mean you are failing as a person.

Take a short break from job hunting and pick it back up again. You tying your self worth to your job may be what’s causing undue stress thsts making it harder on you. It’s a job. It’s not who you are as a person. Understanding that even if you get a shitty job that pays the bills, it doesn’t decrease your value. Get any job you can, just use it as a breather, collect your emotions and thoughts and when you feel better level up to a new job.

I tried working at a commercial pizza kitchen for about six months. I loved the creative cooking aspect of it. I hated the monotonous, thankless backbreaking work.

At the end of the week I lost all my time, and I had hardly enough money to pay the bills let alone disposable income. It was a net negative on my wallet and it was physically destructive to me, I was sore and worn out and that was a huge motivator to finally quit (getting a job offer helped).

I just want people to understand that the whole "take a break" thing is an incredible luxury not everybody can do. I don't have a job yet every day is stressful not knowing how I will solve the problems of tomorrow. Even if I do things to try to get my mind off it, those problems still exist when I return and often are worse because I ignored them to focus on myself.

> collect your emotions and thoughts and when you feel better level up to a new job.

I burned out a few years ago and while I am trying to recover I am starting to wonder if I ever will

I didn’t mean an extended break. I meant a break like a long weekend where you try not to think about it. Bra does like that at help clear your mind if possible.

The biggest things is stop feeling like a failure. That causes a negative feedback loop that will continue a pattern of bad decisions making. Forgive yourself and Clear your head.

I agree with everything in your original post. Its like riding a bicycle you can't grip the handlebars too hard or you negatively impact your ability to steer properly.

Cultivating forgiveness and empathy for myself is a lifelong journey. It's really hard but positive comments from people like yourself helps a lot. Thank you.

I’m currently not working due to disability. I’m applying for SSDI right now which is a bummer process.

It’s hard: I’ve been essentially out of work for a few years as well and I feel like my life has fallen out of sync with the rest of reality.

You’re not failing as a person. The world we live in isn’t made for us. We have to adapt just to meet the baseline that everyone else shows up with every day and it takes a lot of effort.

I'm looking myself after my last role turned out to be a bait and switch from a very toxic founder who was chasing everybody who reported to them away; Anybody who is unemployed can ping me on twitter using this username (I have open DM's) and based on your resume, I might be able to refer you to roles I have to turn down. If not, at least you wont feel so alone.

I followed your twitter username and found your website... the availability page is a work of art.

I especially resonate with your feelings on front-end / backend and I really like the way you make it sound vs my usual spiel about "I like backend because I hate CSS"

> My life would be perfect if I could find a way to stop failing as a person. Every day I'm afraid I'll lose everything because I can't "make it happen" and turn things around.

For what it’s worth, you’re definitely not alone in feeling like this.

Best of luck with the job hunting. You’ll get there!

Thank you. The higher up you get the more mountain there is to climb.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OQQFVLZddw

I find this to be helpful to listen to sometimes when things seem bleak

I don't know about the support network for your condition but surely there are some? I'm making an assumption, but you write as if you are trying to manage things all by yourself, which is commendable but perhaps making things more difficult than they need to be. Are you working with any kind of local autism support group? I would hope there are some resources to help people such as yourself navigate the difficulties with finding employment. And there are some employers who specifically want to hire in this area. Maybe you just need help with connecting to the right opportunities?

You are correct in that I take on too much myself. Difficulties in communication leads to situations where what I ask for is disregarded or people take offense at the idea I'd need or date to ask for accommodations. "Just do it yourself, why do you need help?" "Stop asking questions just do it" These are knee-jerk reaction of neurotypical society and not something I can ever really change (the world is as it is).

This pattern of being ignored when I ask for help has led to a negative feedback loop where I avoid asking for help and struggle to get or ask for help when I need it most.

> I don't know about the support network for your condition but surely there are some?

I am on my second therapist and he's really awesome, I would recommend him highly. I have two local mentors who have also been incredible but there is only so much you can lean on other people for. I have an incredible wife who is being super patient while her husband struggles to be a partner instead of a dependent.

> Maybe you just need help with connecting to the right opportunities?

Yes. See negative feedback loop above, but if I am lucky enough to connect with decent or like minded people I DO have some success. When I describe these things (desire for a more fair work situation) to people I get responses like "oh so you want the perfect job?" No I just want to be treated with dignity and respect like an adult.

> I have an incredible wife who is being super patient while her husband struggles to be a partner instead of a dependent.

As someone also facing (different) employment challenges stemming from autism, this feeling is very familiar. I was only diagnosed last year, finally bringing clarity to a long struggle. But I dug myself into a deep hole by trying to power through special needs I didn't know I had, and it's a long climb out.

My wife has been amazing and supportive and critical to my recovery, but I became debilitated enough that it's hard to feel like a partner. I'm getting there though, little by little. Even if I can't see the progress each day, I can see it clearly quarter by quarter.

Mostly good here.

Living in BC and trying to rationalize the insane housing market while needing to upsize our current accommodations is a very stressful process. Our family isn't poorly off, but trying to afford 1-2 million for a house is unreasonable on most Canadian salaries.

Additionally we've got an adult child with severe developmental disabilities (and several other complications) that is a constant source of unpredictability.

But, you know, you keep doing.

Very bad. Haven't been able to focus on work since late Tuesday. My last meeting I said, "it's been great, I haven't looked at the news in two days." Less than an hour later, I looked... Ugh.

Fortunately, I've been around this block before and have learned not to make it into a downward spiral. For example, my SO and I went blueberry picking today. Haven't looked at the Twitter yet.

The planet is in a bad place right now. I think it's a mistake to ignore that. However, as long as we're breathing, there's still hope. And hopefully, some signal of progress will give people like myself the motivation to continue pursuing what matters to me. But, long-term personal goals seem irrelevant while distrust and discrimination are fracturing our society and leading to violence. In other words, we're regressing in Maslow's hierarchy.

Until then, what matters to me is knowing that at least someone is acknowledging the sad state of the planet and thinking how we might improve it.

Edit: to be clear, that "very bad" is relative to my incredibly privileged existence, as that's how I interpreted the question.

Thanks for asking. Been a tough couple of weeks.

Hey, you ok? Got someone to talk to?

Very bad. A few years ago I left a position because frankly it was extremely dysfunctional and abusive. No one I turned to for advice (except those who already left) really believed it could be as bad as it was, and the advice was repeatedly to just wait it out. After years of this I just didn't see how it would change, ran out of things to try.

Since then things have become even worse than they were where I was, in even more obvious ways. So I feel vindicated in that sense. But feeling vindicated isn't really that helpful, the position was difficult to obtain, and I've had difficulty knowing what to do next. Other similar positions are near impossible to obtain, and part of why I left was because I wanted to go into a different field with more flexibility in terms of positions (the other was to support family).

Financially I'm fine but I feel lost, like I'll never be able to reenter a career, despite being capable. I feel as if I'm starting over from scratch and don't know where to go at this stage.

Skills? Interests?

What does the world need you to do?

Very bad at a personal level. Pray for me.

do you want to talk about it? or is there anyone you trust who you can reach out to?

is there anything we can do for you?

Is there a way to message another HN user, to be able to communicate without it being public but also without giving the world your email address?

No there's no "DMs" on HN as far as I know. I was tempted to add my mobile number, but being the public internet and all probably not the wisest choice.

(A day later, the Washington Post runs an article casting shade on direct messaging since it can be used to say bad things.)

So sorry to hear that. Hang in there! I know I'm just some rando on the internet, but if you need a listening ear, shoot me a note, as I'd be more than happy to chat - sometimes just talking things over with someone has really helped me a lot.

Been there the last 30 months, then because of that work stopped being fun. Now taking a time out, work gives me as much leave as I need, family/personal is harder to take vacation from. Sometimes you have to.

My friend, this too shall pass. You are strong for having made it this far.

Very Good.

In the middle of selling and buying a house. Good problem to have, but very stressful, and it's a great way to see your savings disappear. "Someone wants another check for $3000? What's this one for? Never mind, I guess it doesn't matter."

Very good because it'll all be over someday, and this is a problem I asked for — indeed, worked for years to have.

I went though a similar life event nearly 18 months ago - just keep going, eventually, once all the legal stuff is wrapped up the rest can just stay bubbling away for a while itself at a low volume. Pick the biggest challenge, and get that (mostly) done, then on to the next until you're relaxed.

Also - never trust the trades to turn up on time or to have everything ready for them to start work. We had carpenters who said they couldn't work on a day because it was 2 degrees lower than some minimum for them to put in floors.

Not all that great these last few weeks.

Feeling very precarious for no real reason. Early 40s, good and established front end job but feel tired and frazzled all the time. I had to start again financially after pandemic and divorce. Feel very uneasy about the future and income and job prospects, even though I’ve had good feedback and job offers in the last 12 months.

Side projects have ground to a halt feeling rife with pointlessness and inadequacy. They’ll just fail and so why bother?

Craving certainty and comfort but expecting that from random externals is unwise. I know this but still I worry and dwell and still tell myself that I’ll be found out, that I don’t deserve a well paid job, that I won’t be able to maintain this and I won’t be able to look after my kids or myself. I feel oddly trapped by expectations and obligations of a good wage.

And thanks for asking. I feel better for just writing that down.

Really burned out by the recent project on which I'm working on. The base code written by the previous developers is so bad, my team members and I have to work 9+ hours on a recurring basis to just fix the bugs caused by this buggy code. I'm just tired and burned out by this.

Sorry for my rant

Pretty dang good. I have a pretty bleak view of the future, but I work hard to prevent environment from bringing down my inner being.

Resilience, in other words. That everyone else seems to think the sky is falling paradoxically strengthens my resolve. I don't know why this is.

If anyone would like someone to talk to, I started a free "Movie Advice Column" as a way to encourage people to share their feelings through the discussion of movies.

Leave a comment about how you're feeling and I'll do my best to reply with a movie that has characters who seem to feel the same way.

I believe that seeing others struggling through something similar in a movie is therapeutic, but at the very least distracting and quieting down your mind by watching an entertaining movie could in itself be helpful. That's my hope:

https://moviewise.substack.com/p/movie-advice-column

Very Bad.

* Preparing to work/move to US from CA (as a Canadian) as a SDE with 10yr exp

* Grinding Leetcode (quit hobbies to do so)

* Improving but not at the pace I want

* Failed easy-medium coding test at $SHOP

* Demoralized, rethinking career choice

* Thinking when I can stop leetcoding..when I eventually stop being SDE?

* Thinking about what happiness is

* Met with mental health mentor for the first time. Cried. Not b/c of Leetcode but b/c of future suffering of immigration yet again. (I usually don't cry)

* Grinding Leetcode again during work

* Fear of failing yet another interview

* Exhausting thinking leetcoding forever

* Envy other jobs that doesn't test you with riddles on interview

Keep going, it's going to be okay. The blind 75 is your best shot for quick results: https://leetcode.com/discuss/general-discussion/460599/blind...

You can skip dynamic programming unless you're planning on tackling Google

Thanks... I'm doing exactly that! I'm depressed at the fact that I don't enjoy leetcode but for job security, it must go on.. Maybe I'm not cut out for SDE? not sure...

It's common to feel this way[1] while grinding leetcode. It's not common software engineering practice and so it's largely uncomfortable. The leetcode questions you pass in the interview you won't see on the job. Leetcode is primarily FAANG practice but has been adopted as a form of cargo culting by everyone else. It's like a form of fraternity or sorority hazing.

[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29804607

Kind of okey.

* Started working on side projects again. Need to develop a workout app for myself so I can track my activities at the gym and make sure I get enough variety in my exercises. Maybe I can turn it into sth. releasable that could help others with similar physique as I had (skinny/hardgainer type) to gain some muscles. Feel like there could be more out there to help people who are naturally rather skinny to get success at the gym. Also started working on small game-dev projects just for fun for now. Making a few prototype games, exploring mechanics and seeing if any turns into something fun that I want to invest more time into.

* Mixed success at managing my mood and anxieties, working on not falling back to coping behaviors and instead just accepting the thoughts and feelings I get. Feels like I'm doing a LOT already but it's still tough sometimes. Also, working hard to not get overwhelmed with what's going on in the world. Being honest with myself I have very few excuses though because I'm healthy and privileged (work, education, living in a rich country).

Work is okay and I like the team I'm in. It's not particularly purposeful but on the other hand not stressful at all right now and they offer quite a supportive environment (home office whenever I want, out-of-company counseling). Looking forward to reducing my working hours to 4 days / week (again, very privileged). Other software devs are probably making much more money than me but maximizing my income by switching jobs is not sth. I'd want to do now.

That's it for now, have a good weekend!

i voted mostly good :)

i'm halfway done with university now. i want to use some free time to be outside more (i hear sun is good for health), and i can't wait to start my internship

Super burnout angst BUT I'm about to quit in a week for a three month or more sabbatical I've been planning over a year.

Been at the same company and same project for almost ten years. Completely burnt out on code for enterprise crud web apps. I just lost all interest. Spent a few years deep diving into testing and ops, but even that now I can only see the obvious best practices while the only challenge left is begging for management buy in. I still code for myself, tons of personal projects, but for work I only want to manage.

After being passed over for promotion I was basically promised, I started looking around and realized I have tons of options, recruiters love me. Did a few half-hearted interviews, actually declined a few after meeting the leadership. Realized suddenly I could setup a better situation than just jumping jobs.

One frustrating year later: Refinanced all my debt, saved a bunch of money for extended expenses and I can't wait to give notice.

"No I don't have another job. I'm doing thirty days of already booked and paid for travel with friends, then I'm going to come home and do NOTHING for a while, then finish my novel. Oh and I also released an app recently, check it out."

I did something similar many years ago.

It is going to feel even better than you think.

"Hey boss, I've decided to leave the company" "Oh.. to where?" "No where" "What are you going to do?" "Travel, play music, anything but work"

They have no cards. There's no counter offer they can make. They'll know they lost you purely due to their own fault. I was offered a "come back anytime please" deal lol. So essentially a ZERO RISK SABBATICAL WOOOOO

I'm pretty down right now. Some months months ago I passed on a good job offer for opportunities for continued growth at my current employer, promises of career advancement and better work responsibilities. Now, I learned we are being bought out and sold for scrap. I'm a mediocre engineer who rarely gets in network offers, and I turned down something that was a big step up for me.

Mostly good here. I'm working full-time on finishing a fiction manuscript and it's taking longer than I want. This isn't a bad thing in itself—my writing progress has been steady and forward—but I struggle with anxiety across all areas of my life and if I don't take precautions to manage my mood then I feel every passing minute as an acute failure to finish my book.

That sounds grim but I still say "mostly good" because I'm so grateful for the overall conditions of my life: a lovely walkable neighborhood with kind strangers around every turn, robust family and support networks, fast internet, great coffee. The little things.

One tactic I find has been great for avoiding unwanted emotional injury is staying off Twitter. At best it's a catalogue of everyone's successes who isn't you, at worst it's the comments section of a news website where the news is all bad. YMMV, but if you're an emotionally sensitive person navigating an uncertain period in life I can't recommend it highly enough.

I’m a little disturbed by the nonstandard ordering of these options

They are randomized

Yes indeed. I posted them in a logical order

Aha! I was wondering…

It also seems that the upvotes don't register immediately.

I'm mostly good. I always gain weight in the winter and feel horrible but now the weather is starting to get nice. Been at a diet for the last 3 weeks and seeing steady progress. I usually do keto but this time I told myself I'll try something a bit slower that I can sustain which is giving me hope that maybe I can keep my eating under control in the winter.

I also got a really amazing cost of living adjustment 3 weeks ago from my employer on top of my usual raise I got back in January. That was great because I've been teetering on leaving. I've known for a while I can make much more but I love my team, my boss, the location, and I'm comfortable in my role with pretty good job security so it's hard to walk away from that. The pay bump was enough to keep me at least another year unless something really exciting fell into my lap.

Even in a situation where I consider very good compared to other folks in my country, Somethings look really hard sometimes... I mean, it's sad when you work hard for so many years and still can't buy a new shiny laptop, a new monitor, a chair a phone. This week my daughter dropped water all over my 2014 MacBook Pro and it fried instantly and I got really mad, not on her, but I started to think how having a messy financial situation have such a huge impact in our lifes. Sometimes looks like I'm wasting my life working my ass off just to pay bill after bill, with no time to enjoy my family... To take a rest... Or even to think about mental health. Sorry for this rant... It was somehow stuck in my chest.

Edit. I know affording a 2014 MacBook Pro here in Brazil is somehow a big deal, but mine was bought 2nd hand with a faulty keyboard. :)

I'm one month in to a new job in a space I'm interested in. I'm working with smart people and couldn't be happier. I know the good feelings won't last, and that's okay. And for those not doing well, also remember that it won't last. We all regress back to the mean!

Mostly good, after 10 years of being almost completely sedentary, binge eating, and living practically like an animal I've gotten control of my life. I'm on a weight loss journey that I feel confident I can maintain on my 3rd attempt. I'm eating a balanced diet. I'm going outside and walking close to 7 miles every day, I'm lifting weights 5 times a week. If I have one piece of advice for people in the situation where they have depression and are lying in bed all day. Fix your sleep, make sure you have 0 micronutrient deficiencies, and go outside for 10 minutes a couple times a day and expose yourself to sunlight. Sleep at least 8 hours a night and make sure you are sleeping consistently at the same time every day.

Good but tired.

Grinding for an early retirement before 30.

Full time work and university takes most of my time.

Rest is spent on building side projects which I'm betting on making me money.

I don't have good elite creditionals or connections so raising money is impossible right now.

Too much to learn and do but too little time and lacking in conviction.

It's the lack of conviction that will lead to burnout.

Very good: I'm healthy and my wife is healthy with our first baby on the way. A couple siblings+spouses and my parents live in the same town, I see them all regularly, and they are all healthy. I lost 10 pounds over the past couple months. Blood pressure is still a little high though.

I'm 7 months into a new job, good pay in a LCOL area, 4 minute commute, enjoy going into the office, learning a lot, and have a great boss.

We have a fixer-upper house with several ongoing major projects to keep me busy and entertained. Also we have plenty of new trees, flowers, and bushes to nurture.

Winter is gone and the trees around the neighborhood are leafing out--I really love having four seasons! In six months I will have equal excitement for snow and blizzards.

Just slogging through the day. I have trouble putting in 8 hours a day these days, but don't know what to do about it; I did tell HR I was burned out (and I don't see that I can financially afford a stress leave). I'm applying for other jobs -- maybe I can luck out and get a 4/day/week job? -- but that takes energy that I can hardly bring to bear. (Yay, coding tests!)

I did just go on a nice vacation with my wife and kids, but nearly cried when I had to get back to things, and I honestly do like working in tech. I'm looking into becoming a contractor or freelancer, but the initial plunge is scary. I did try running a small business in the past to no avail.

I moved back to the bay area after spending 2 years back with friends and family during the pandemic, and it's got me feeling kinda down. I have some friends here which is nice, but for the most part nobody texts me, I barely know anyone around here, today I haven't talked to a single person, and it's just got me in the dumps. And the kicker is that this is probably how it will be from here on out for the rest of my life. I'm working out, I'm adapting, I'm making changes as best I can to deal with this transition, but I find myself with a lot more negative thoughts than usual.

Selling my home would give me and my family incredible relief - we don't like living there for a variety of reasons. But I don't have the money to buy a home until I can pull the money from this one, and I can't sell this one without finishing up some improvements, and I can't get those improvements done on a sane timescale, because everyone is busy (including me). I'm at about a point where I wonder "Would someone go for a house without any closet doors? How much would that potentially harm the selling price?" because I don't really want to deal with it anymore.

I don't know where you live, but there are a lot of investor type buyers who buy with no on site visit or inspection. Or generally don't mind taking on the site improvement issues. You may also be able to get a deal in place where you sell and agree to rent for x months.

Do you know that you need to make the improvements to sell? As in, have you actually tried to sell?

I haven't tried, but I always imagined that my house isn't very attractive to flippers or investors, because it's a condo. The HoA disallows its use as a rental in the covenant, and any serious improvements need to be done by a licensed contractor and permitted (my bathroom remodel took probably a year longer to get started because we had to submit plans with the city with an architect to do some retiling).

Near every sale I've seen of things in the area were in a very "ready-to-move-in" state, so I've been trying to finish reaching that.

If you're living in it, it's ready to move in.

Unsure what market you're in, you may be surprised at what state of things people are buying due to the high demand and "lack of supply".

Well, I doubt you'd be looking back at this thread at this point, but you're probably right. There are at least a few little things I'd need to get in order, plus some cleaning, but maybe I can get this done sooner.

Absolutely someone would buy a house with blemishes like that! Most house buyers look past that stuff, especially when the housing market is hot (which it still is). Get your house on the market without worrying about that stuff before the market cools off!

They'll likely gut your renos and paint over it all anyway because that's what people do.

FWIW in this market anything goes and typically over asking even if there are issues.

I voted Mostly Good -- I feel valued at work, and employer puts an emphasis on work life balance, which lets me spend time with my family, deal with things like doctor appointments. Took a vacation day today and trying to crack open a book about Galois Theory.

I tend to be "stubbornly optimistic" about the future, and I keep telling myself that on a long timescale (compared to 50-100 years ago) qualities of life are much better, but recent events have made me very concerned about my family's safety, and from there I started worrying about social media echo chambers and global warming.

Objectively speaking I am doing great on all accounts. The only blemish is that I am working at the worst job in my long professional life.

I am actively interviewing for new jobs, I get to the final stages and then I am not selected. Presently I am a finalist for a new job, they were supposed to make their decision yesterday but <crickets>.

I continue to sent out resumes, it's a number game, so sooner or later it's going to happen, and it has to do with the quantity (and quality) of my job search activities.

Wish me luck; while not critical, luck always help.

Kind of Okey: Moved away from SV because we got sick of being beaten out on offers for homes (over a dozen attempts). Slightly better financially and the family is still together so perhaps i should be more thankful. Continued struggle with existing job and not being able to break into a role/company that will be more fulfilling or financially rewarding. I get stuck in this loop where i see people on linkedin or acwuaintances get jobs that i think i like, and icarry too much tension and fear of failure into interviews i guess.

I'm doing between kind of okay and mostly good. Finally restarting hobbies that have been on semi hold for the past 2 years. Recently gotten into a new boardgame gloomhaven.

Career wise I'm at a crossroads. I'm about 2 years into my first full time job. I'm looking at any where from 20-100% salary bump if I swap jobs. I'm not looking forwards to going through interviews again. I wish it wasn't the case that job hopping was how career development seems to work, but I guess it is what it is.

I'm at the beach, and i'm goin fishin. Doing very good.

I'm working on revolutionizing medical education in developing countries with my team of medical students and doctors. While we've grown massively and relatively quickly and have thousands of customers, one thing we're looking to do better in is engaging educational institutions and securing contracts with them. How one can more effectively navigate bureaucracy, red-tape, corruption and so forth would be helpful.

I voted very good.

Life isn't perfect but it never is.

I'm healthy, employed, have a nice place to live and enough income and time to indulge in some hobbies and personal growth stuff.

I have what you have, but voted a little sad. So much is based on our outlook and attitude. I wish I could figure out how to acquire your attitude. Good luck continuing forward :)

Absolutely true. I am prone to having this pervasive sense of sadness and numbness become part of my identity. My friend, on the other hand, always responds to "how are you doing?" with "I'm on top of the world!" To some extent, we can train our minds to be positive.

Some people say that's how you should aways answer. Someone asks "how are you" and you should answer "fantastic!" or something similar.

You say it and you will start to feel it, so the theory goes.

I'm not sure it works. I usually say "I'm good, how are you?" and I think the over-the-top replies sound phony, but I haven't really tried it.

Currently in the end stretch of a client project from hell. As long as I don't get fired, it'll all be OK in a few weeks.

I’m doing ok. I was recently promoted from Technical Product Manager to Director of Product Development. I am making well into 6 figures. Not super happy with the relationship I’m in. Girlfriend spending habits are out of control

Financially ruined. Exercised stock options at a premium last year just to have the market collapse when I'm finally able to sell resulting in a larger tax liability than my equity is worth. Been taking a huge toll on my mental health lately.

I have suffered from OCD since I was 21. Intrusive thoughts, fears of harming others or having harmed others, and what's sometimes called r-ocd or "relationship ocd". Mostly everything fell under the category known as "pure o" or OCD without visible external compulsions.

I went to multiple psychologists, tried talk therapy, tried SSRIs, and while there were modest improvements here and there, my life continued to be dictated by my deepest fears and obsessions.

Three years ago, I read a book on OCD that completely changed my perspective. [1]

I started CBT (mostly exposure therapy) with a clinic that specialized only in OCD. I quickly realized that I had never actually done CBT in the past, despite various therapists who claimed that they combined CBT with dynamic therapy.

I stopped therapy after less than a year (no longer needed it) and reduced my SSRI prescription to a very low dose.

Today I'm the CEO of a small but (so far) very successful startup. More importantly, I'm in a healthy and happy marriage. My mental health has never been better.

Your mileage may vary, but if you're struggling with similar issues I would recommend avoiding dynamic therapy like the plague and finding a good CBT clinic specializing in OCD. If you've been going to therapy for years then it's ineffective therapy. If you talk to someone, feel better, and then need to go back next week for another talk to feel good then you're not getting better.

[1] https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/316086/freedom-from...

Honestly I'm having a very hard time and every day it seems less likely that things will ever get better. There's no golden age I want to harken back to or anything I'm just really fucking sad and tired.

Not great. Nothing seems to be as reliable as you'd expect&need, communications included, which IMO would be a canary moment, yet it's met with indifference. At least, this is how it feels, ymmv.

Well, today I looked at symptoms of nervous breakdown and realised that I have had nervous breakdown every time there has been an infra outage. So I guess nervous breakdowns == BAU for infra engineers.

About this well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTE0wePCD4U

one must imagine sysiphus happy.

He is ecstatic just as he approaches the top of the mountain.

I voted a bit sad, but really it's a mixture of mostly good and very bad. I live in a safe place, have affirming friends, and don't expect any legal, housing, income, legal precarity.

At the same time it feels like people like me are being targeted, scapegoated, and played as unwilling political pawns all whilst being told that we're over-reacting, can't take a joke, monsters, perverts, and all other manner of degeneracy. I just want to be treated like everyone else. I don't want to be genocided, please.

I can't complain but sometimes I still do.

Kind of okay. I came down with COVID on May 10. Took Paxlovid (I'm 64) and felt recovered in a few days (but I continued the 5 days of Paxlovid, of course). Then on May 23 a bad cough started up and it's been bothering me ever since. My family doc could not see me so I went to a clinic in a CVS where she diagnosed bronchitis and said it's likely a lingering effect of the COVID. Damn. And now I read this in Nature: "Long COVID risk falls only slightly after vaccination, huge study shows", <https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-022-01453-0>

I have been procrastinating on finding a new job for about a month now. I am seriously questioning whether I want another web development job. I'm almost 40 and the web space stopped being interesting for me about 8 years ago. I suspect I'll procrastinate until my bank account balance gets low enough to cause me to panic and then I'll get serious about getting another web job.

My team is hiring a remote full-stack developer. Shoot me an email hn at josh.ml and I'd be happy to discuss with you.

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