I feel this way about music, zero education as a kid, started late as an adult, but feel I'll never catch up.
Though there's no way of knowing whether I'd have felt the same as a kid, or pushed back against it at the time.
My teacher excused me but reached out to my mother with the business card of a piano teacher she knew, as she considered music to be important.
I am eternally grateful that she did, and that I gave it a try, because even though I was never going to concert-grade piano player, it did mean I had enough music theory knowledge to play around meaningfully with early midi sequencers -- and those skills landed me a professional job in radio production straight out of high-school.
When I hear an good musician now, I inevitably wish I'd tried harder and could do what they do. If I hadn't had lessons, perhaps I'd blame my folks for the fact that I can't play jazz. But I was given every opportunity, had lessons for years, and didn't prioritise it. I just accept that it wasn't for me.
My parents also encouraged me to join a choir, and whilst I tended to daydream in choir practice, I kept that up into adulthood and it's had a major impact on my life.
I have a similar story to yours, just with clarinet and flute. Our school (outside the USA) had mandatory lessons and practice, so there was some degree of being forced to do it.
I took some piano lessons as an adult and enjoyed it. My piano teacher told me something that really stuck with me. "People who write Adult piano books know the learner isn't going to become a professional classical musician. So they just teach you to play some fun songs and you can enjoy it. Children's music education makes kids suffer under the assumption that they are might one day take it very seriously and become classical musicians. So you perform scales endlessly, have to learn perfect form, learn instruments you don't want to learn because you need to learn the clarinet before you can learn the Sax, learn a bunch of boring classical music when you are excited by other stuff on the radio, practice like crazy for exams, etc. It completely kills their interest in music."
I listen to good piano performances on YT and wish I was as good. But then I think about how much time I have spent being good with computers and realize that I could not have spent that much time on piano too. They probably spent as much time over their life pecking on a piano as I have pecking on a computer.
There's only so much time in a day!
The next thing they'll tell you is they wish to stop. You cannot talk a kid out of fear of failure. I've never made the least bit of headway.
You shouldn't let them stop, and even force them to practice long enough (like >15 minutes, I'm not talking hours) that they forget about fear of failure and enjoy the next 15 minutes. Maybe even get them into the situation that there's nothing but the violin or some puzzle in code they don't understand for 5 minutes or so. Sport is good for this. If they do Judo and there is a duel, that's 2 minutes they will be focusing on the opponent. Somehow people don't easily get tired of this, and of course they focus.
It's all a balance. Should you let them struggle or give them answers directly? Should you give them opponents that are easy or hard ? Too easy? Too hard? Should you practice very directly or let them choose direction (they inevitably choose unattainable targets, so it's not as easy as you're thinking, but you may be able to guide them to a reasonable choice). Should you push them, maybe even "punish" them (take away cell phone for example)? I've known my kids to literally ask for that (taking away cell phone until they've completed homework or some practice).
And everything works like those opponents in Judo. The more they fight, the harder and stronger the opponent can be while they still learn. At 10 some can take "normal" adults and at 13-14 or so some kids are very liable to win against adults double their weight. But even "meta" this works. The more you push them, the harder you can push them without negative consequences and you should build this up over time.
It's all a balance. In every one of those questions there is a horrible answer that goes way too far ... on both sides of the equation. There is way too much practice and there is way to little practice, and it's even different per kid, when they're ill or feeling well, and how old they get. Otoh, as long as you're somewhere in the middle, it doesn't matter as much as you'd think where exactly you are in the middle. And you can pick one or two, but no more, where you have a slightly more extreme choice.
I absolutely hated every single moment of piano and never really got good at it. It was a different story once I got selected for a chorus in school.
My main struggles with piano were chords, and sightreading. Chords aren't really relevant in vocals since a single person can only sing a single note at any given time, and I wasn't great at sightreading then either. And I find breath control a lot easier than trying to anticipate where my hands need to go (as someone with small hands, a lot of pieces were quite difficult)
There was a similar screening process for the ability to swim, though it was actually for selecting those who could not and teaching them.
Kids learn fast and are less afraid to fail, so they can start new things more easily.
That also depends on your mindset and expectations. I've read a journal of master painter who, after roughly 40 years of doing art, still often felt frustrated and defeated after spending a day at the easel (even though 99% of people who paint would kill to be able to produce a painting he worked on).
Also, Polish poet Barańczak once said: "you know what they call a guy who enjoys writing? A hack".
Even when I get rewarded in things that I took up on my own, I feel that the rewards are quite measly compared to just having a normal healthy mental and physical existence. And these are interests that I took up on my own, I wonder how bad it would be for someone pushed by their parents.
But then again, I guess if someone grows up not having anything they're good at, they might blame their parents for not pushing them. Parenting must be very difficult.
Federer - 8. Nadal/Djokovic - 4. S. Williams - 3. L. Hamilton - 8. M. Schumacher - 6. Verstappen - 4. Phelps - 7. Messi - 4. C. Ronaldo - 7. M. Carlsen - 5. Lebron - 9. S. Curry - 6
Some people are just lucky to be good at the things they love doing. The others have to be content with getting paid for the things that they're good at to pay for the things that they love doing.
The wires you speak of come from time, practice, effort and habit - i.e the original meaning of the term kung fu.
I’ve made life choices that now result in having uninterrupted blocks of time for learning to play an instrument in my thirties. I’m surprised at how quickly some things become completely effortless when you have time to practice every day.
I started classical piano in primary school all the way up until I turned 17. I thought I played ok... but I started lessons again about 6 months ago (I'm turning 40 this weekend) and now that I actually want to play rather than be forced to play from tiger parents, I can honestly say that I'm learning 100 times faster than when I was a kid.
Also, now that I'm actually practicing multiple times a week rather than 30 minutes before my lesson (like when I did when I was a kid), my sight reading is blowing my mind. I could only wish to read like I do today than when I did in my teens.
But like going to the gym, the hard part is getting there. Once I'm playing, I look down at my watch and it's been over 2 hours!
My main frustration is around finding people to play with.
People my age seem to have been playing since they were kids and have high skill expectations.
Amateurs looking for people to play with seem much younger, and in it for the fun of hanging out as much as playing.