> I would like to start living life as I would like it, both career and relationship wise
If you'd be comfortable sharing, why do you feel this is not something you can achieve with your partner?
If you'd be comfortable sharing, why do you feel this is not something you can achieve with your partner?
So the problem comes, because my wife is an exceptional empath, with what seems to me like almost supernatural intuition. And she sees through my little constructs in a second, and demands they be pushed aside, in order to get to know the "real me" beneath. Trouble is there is no "real me", apart from the rather dark, turbulent thoughts that churn the waters of my inner life. Therein lies the problem, a perpetual game of hide and seek, and I find it rather wearing. (Largely my own problem though, as I said).
Apologies if the above sounds a bit weird, or off-putting or whatever. Anyway - you did ask! :-)
> I have my own inner thoughts but they can be rather dark, and need extensive filtering before being presented to the world at large
This really sounds like a good thing to reality check with a therapist! Non-judgmental listening is a core piece of the service they provide.
I've had similar feelings in the past. Having things you don't feel you can share will make you feel isolated. Saying these things out loud to someone in and of itself can be a load off. And I strongly suspect these things you're suppressing aren't as bad as you think.
It's telling that your response has nothing bad to say about your wife. The issues you raised are really, really not going to be solved by leaving her.
When I'm unhappy in a relationship being single feels like freedom. But a breakup is trauma. During mine I went through hell, my entire being was be screaming at me that I'd made the worst mistake of my life. The loneliness was profound. Self esteem plummeted. My ex-girlfriend went through hell too.
As it happens, my breakup needed to happen - I want a family, my ex-gf could not commit to having one with me. I'm on the other side now and feel good about the decision. But I still miss her all the time. And this was a relationship of only a few years.
Lastly, on my friends with dads who have divorced their mom in his 50's - this decision will permanently change your relationship with your children. One doesn't talk to his dad at all, the other tolerates but no longer respects his dad. Are those scenarios possible?
Good luck. Maybe it is that you have to leave your wife. But do your due diligence that this is the case. It's a button you can't unpress.
I've taken more than enough of people's time today (thank you and others for your insights - they are really useful). I did want to clarify something about my thoughts though - it's not that they're always dark and horrible at all - but they are rather opaque to an outsider. As I mentioned, I grew up alone for large swathes of time, and I learned to have conversations with myself, as a form of companionship. Such conversations form my inner life - but its difficult to let someone else in on them. As an example, here's Bill Burr with a story about muffins, which I relate to so much - it still makes me cry with laughter even though I've watched it about 1000 times. :-)
Thanks for the clip, Bill Burr is hilarious