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Comment by WHA8m | Hacker News Reader

I'm a full-time (adhd-diagnosed) daydreamer. I have a bulk of projects that I can escape to. For all of them I have notes, so when my mind wanders around and I stumble across something that I think is note-worthy, I write it down. Most of these 'projects' (non of which ever came to life) are software related. My currently favorite one is a video game. It has about 60k words in the design document and about 35k safed pictures from the internet as of now. I guess this is not healthy, but as I said, it's a place that I can escape to. Another thing is 'teaching'. I imagine myself in front of a group of kids and try to explain them something that I know.

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Mind if I ask why none of the projects have ever come to life, is it lack of desire to make them more than an escape technique, or is ADHD or something else preventing you from doing what you would otherwise like to do?

I ask because it sounds to me like if you could figure out how to channel all of that energy going into your projects into the right thing then maybe in addition to the escape you might find your difficulty turns into a super power - many people would kill for the focus needed to write 60k words of game design!

Of course, figuring out some sort of "right thing" that's both easy for the mind and useful to do isn't always easy, and finding something in that venn overlap might be easier than expected or take so many failed attempts that it seems hopeless before finally stroking gold.

Or am I commenting too much from a place of not having lived in your mind, and the wandering nature of ADHD leaves you helpless to channel it at all, just having to hope that it might wander in useful directions?

What I'm getting from your comment is, that you really want to understand. Thank you for your kindness. It feels good.

I don't mind you asking, but I'm afraid I can't give you an extensive answer. There is just a lot that is going on for me right now. Adhd is relevant for this insofar I wasn't diagnosed (and didn't know about it) until recent years (I'm in my mid 20s for context). The last 10 years or so really crumbled my self-efficacy, because nothing ever worked out. Deep down I knew I'm generally capable of doing things, but I wasn't able to. Burnout and depression followed and I'm about to get kicked out of university. So these things really are an escape for me and the energy really is just fear and avoidance. It's powerful, but not sustainable.

To end this on a positive note, I still have this feeling that I could function somehow. All of these projects are meant to serve just me (and not be commercially or anything), so there might be a time these things actually come to life. These projects and specifically this video game thing are really something that I feel I can pour my soul into and make it mine. It's really more than just procrastination. I stand by all of what I write down and I think I possibly have new and own ideas about some common aspects. It's a place where I can spend time on my interests in art, architecture, language, tech and more. Just things that are true to myself.

PS: I knew from the start of writing this, I have to be cautious to not fall into self-pity mode, but well, that's just what this turned into. Sorry. It's already written though. I'll hit 'reply' nevertheless. Have a good night!

Edit: Added some more to actually answer the questions.

Brilliant.

are you making fun of me, sir?

Quite the opposite good sir.

Oh ok, my bad. Thanks

I relate to the parent commenter (including their reply) so profoundly, it’s scary. The only difference is that I focus hard on finding the “right thing”; some missing piece of information, or a strategy, that will suddenly make everything “click” into place.

I’ve had periods of clarity and many more periods of extreme fog. My focus is so poor sometimes I barely feel like I’m present to experience life. But not being in control of my productivity is somehow the worst part. So much passion and so many ideas, but actually doing anything feels impossible.

I tend to have success with momentum. I am currently working at a new strategy from several angles. I’m setting myself up to have better habits for my health (sleeping, eating, moving) and hatching a non-mentally-ill alter ego who just does things and has the qualities I desire. Faking it until I make it, hopefully.

Same here :)

> I guess this is not healthy

I'd say the contrary, thinking about projects and being enthusiastic about them is therapeutic. People get out of addictions by working on projects, just an example.

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