Comment by arjungmenon | Hacker News Reader

Comment by arjungmenon | Hacker News Reader

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It makes me regret when I recall how much of my life I've lost to programming.

I spend most of my mid-teens (15,16,17) writing pointless C programs (interpreters, compilers, etc. for pathetic new languages that probably no one except me will use).

While my classmates from high school went out dating girls, watching new movies, etc.; I would be sitting in front of my computer palms on forehead fixing hard to find C pointer bugs.

The only person I could have a decent conversation with was my CS teacher. In the end it was only after coming to college I realized how much I had lost.

I barely had any communication skills, absolutely zero sexual experience (haven't even walked holding hands with a female - even today) and the reputation of being a geek. And you know what? I realized I wasn't a happy person anymore.

I think this kind of a life is seriously screwed. Very soon (been trying) I'm gonna totally quit "being geek" (programming for a hobby, etc.) and try to be normal like everyone else.

Quitting is a poor idea. Maybe the work is something you love or maybe you are simply using it to occupy your time and create an excuse to avoid the anxiety of social situations. Either way the key is going to be moderation.

My previous roommates in college found it odd that I would spend Monday through Friday alone in my room working or reading, yet on the weekends come out an be completely extroverted. They were almost offended that I didn't want to sit around and watch tv with them during the week. That is somewhat of a sidetrack, but this balancing method allowed my to keep somewhat of an equilibrium with my life.

Take the approach starting tomorrow the same way you would if you were learning a new programming language. It would be insanity and a complete suicide mission to dive into the properties of compilers without even understanding the basic "hello world". You need to take smalls steps and develop your social skills in the same way you would your programming ones.

And by the way, normalcy is overrated.

thanx for the advice

Don't be a fool arjungmenon, you have a good prospects for the future. While your peers waste precious time, you are sharpening your skills and working on something you enjoy. While you are young, it is a great time to learn new things and advance.

You will become expert in programming, which you know is an exciting field, and then it will be relatively easy to get good paying job, or can start your own company if you feel like it, and later, when you establish yourself professionally and will find your path, it will be easier to have meaningful longterm relationship.

I also spent a lot of my young time in from of a computer or solving math puzzles, and I don't regret it at all. On a more personal note, I had my first gf when I was 24 and married at 32. And I don't feel like missing anything.

His peers were not "wasting" their precious time, they were having fun and doing something they enjoyed.

Moderation is good, and its good to remember not to take yourself too seriously (you appear to have serious plans for arjungmenon, greyman, stop taking yourself so seriously).

I doubt your days of hard programming were a waste. They are an experience at least, a side of life you are aware of that your peers might not be.

Knee-jerks - bad. Moderation - good. Trying new things - exceptionally good.

You have too rosy a picture of what your high school classmates were doing. They were mostly wasting their time. What you're calling "dating girls" is better described as "chasing girls", and they were mostly unsuccessful.

You need, at most, a bit of moderation. Don't try to be normal - normal sucks.

I don't disagree with "normal sucks", but don't underestimate chasing girls. It can sometimes be more fun than the dating part :)

I've personally been fortunate in finding a great balance between hacking and living, and am grateful for it.

Don't think you have to quit being a geek to be happy or "normal". "Geek" and "normal" are just arbitrary labels.

I spent most of my high school and college years same as you. Then I made a slow, concerted effort to balance out (learned to dance, make friends, talk to girls).

Today I'm still a geek, but reasonably social and "normal" too -- as much as I care to be, anyway. At any given hour I'm a geek, a socialite, an artist, a dope, and so on. People are dynamic, not static; don't limit yourself. Have fun!

And there are geek girls, too.

Try to pick up some sports. Its generally a good way to meet people in a casual way. You get in shape as a plus.

For what it's worth, as a geek girl, I'd rather be with a guy who knew his way around a computer than one who spent his time chasing girls, getting drunk etc (the "normal" young adult things).

You just have to find someone to share your life with who matches your interests... there's no point trying to be someone else, someone you're not.

In college I ended up helping found a Science Fiction/Fantasy/Anime/Gaming club which served both as a geeky outlet and as a social hub. I'm still very close with many of the friends I made there. Look for like-minded individuals! They are out there.

You can be happy without being "normal". Normalcy is overrated. Balance, on the other hand, isn't. Go out and start meeting people. A good place to start is some sort of relatively geeky but non-computer oriented event. SCA, perhaps? Pick something on the internet, find a local group, and join.

Really, the thing is to frequently ask yourself "Is what I'm doing making me happy now? If not, is it somehow helping me be happier in the long term? If not, why the f--k am I doing it?"

arjungmenon, email me i understand were you are comming from, but my advice would be to not worry about the girls.

1. if you are on this site you want to start a company, and i have yet to have a girlfriend that accepts my non traditional lifestyle of starting companies and taking chances.

2. most of the people you meet in life are distractions, i meet some great friends in college and i found them through all sorts of activities,... most of them were creative computer projects.

so enjoy college meet other geeks and you will be just fine.

heck join your local engingeering fraternity

i dont have ur email.. but mine is arjungmenon at gmail dot com

This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.

--William Shakespeare

there are normal people who program for a hobbie ;)

just be moderate.

You're doing great. Here's your life path: http://www.suck.com/daily/99/02/10/nc_index5.html (posted here: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=314616 )

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