Snarkiness aside, look into permaculture. It’s a way of gardening that takes very little time since it tries to create a garden that’s in balance so that you don’t have to work hard to keep bare patches of ground or fight “pests” for example. I’m actually quite surprised at what my SO did to our own garden using this method, it’s very lush and green with very little work.
No fertilizer, watering or lasers necessary.
I like the idea of permaculture. But I don't want to have to figure out how to get my neighborhood association to let me keep ducks, much less feeding them and caring for them just to get rid of snails. I just want a robot to do everything for me.