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Comment by noodle | Hacker News Reader

it sounds like you're going about things in the opposite direction. you don't want to try to form a relationship before you really get to know someone. leads to failure and poor self esteem.

it works best the other way around.

take up hobbies, be social, try something new, etc.. basically, get out there and don't rely on the computer to do the legwork for you. don't chase after every girl you meet, as it comes off weird and its not really the point. the point is to make some new friends and expand your social circle. if this means going to bars and having the occasional drink, do it even if you don't like it -- doesn't have to be a regular thing. eventually you will run into someone that peaks your interest. take your time, gauge the person, and then act.

or at least, thats my $0.02.

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All I do is work-out at the Y, work, and study.

I can't think of a single activity that gets me out the door other than to swap books at the library. Not really good venues for meeting people my age around here.

Everyone my age either has three kids or goes to OSU. OSU kids only go to OSU venues and bars.

(I have a serious aversion to bars. Bad experiences.)

Thanks for the advice though.

thats what i'm saying -- go do other things. make room for them on your calendar.

if you're student aged and intend to be a student again, why not try and do student-ish things? can you join the OSU student gym instead of going to the Y? could you try and join some student organizations despite not being a student? are you interested in something in particular that you can go participate in (martial arts, soccer, a foreign language, whatever)?

Can't join their gym. I used to do martial arts. No women when I sparred back then. At all.

I'm horrible at sports even though I used to play them. Like, conspicuously so.

Where do you meet people regarding a foreign language? O_O

colleges have foreign language clubs and such.

i also like the idea pius said -- move into an area with more students and get to know your neighbors.

you're going to have at least some problems with a relationship until you get yourself a healthy, regular social life. i'm not saying that you don't, its a general statement.

I have a social life, it's just very isolated. I don't know how to branch out much.

I'll do my best.

what is dating but trying to branch out your social life?

your best is all anyone can ask. just make sure you really are doing your best, or you're just self-sabotaging. no one here on HN benefits if you succeed or fail.

nods thanks for the advice.

Everyone my age either has three kids or goes to OSU. OSU kids only go to OSU venues and bars.

While I don't know Columbus, I do know its type. My suggestion for you is to move to a more cosmopolitan city where you'll find plenty of single, interesting professionals and artistic types. In my opinion, it's worth the increased cost of living.

If you aren't willing to do that, your next best option if you're college age is to take a class or join a group at OSU.

OSU kids only go to OSU venues and bars.

I seriously doubt this. Even if only 5% of OSU avoids bars like the plague, that's thousands and thousands of people.

Get ye to the Short North and find some coffeehouses. I know for a fact that these exist.

There are also other universities near Columbus than OSU, hard as it is to believe.

I guess I'll just start reading at the coffeehouse. This has been suggested before and I have no idea how it leads to meeting people, but fair enough. I'll give it a serious run.

by becoming a 'regular' at an establishment, the employees and other regulars become familiar with you. these can be good starting points for new friendships/relationships.

whats the difference in this and you taking a martial arts (example used elsewhere) class together with a group of regular people? not too much. you just interact less in a coffeehouse.

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