In probably 2008 I took some extremely potent hydroponic mushrooms. Having grown up with field shrooms I thought I could handle my typical 1/8-1/4 oz dose,despitey cousin advising me one gram would more than suffice.

I had the quickest on set imaginable when ingesting something. Hadn't gotten down more than a few grams when I got smacked over the head. I looked at my tv (playing cartoon network) and went...away.

Hours later I came back to myself and what had happened was hard to explain.

I had risen ip through my head and proceeded until at the edge of what I guessed was the universe. As I felt myself hit a barrier I knew what I had to do. I had to shed my small, human consciousness as it was unable to contain what was out there.

I remember doing that and then coming back. I had this incredible sadness as while out there I felt I had understood. It had all made sense, there was nothing to fear, all the knowledge was out there and for a bit I'd had it.

Coming back to myself I had to remember how to be human- I am a human, I am a male, we communicate with language, etc. And all the while it felt so much like downgrading.

Turns out I had been 'out there' for about 8+ hours. My poor cousin had gotten stuck ib my bathroom mirror and refused to speak kf his trip.

After that I have almost a sense of expectation, as if this is hust something I have to go through to get 'there'.

I hear nowadays much headway is being made in using psychedelics for therapy, maybe it would be something worth looking into, if you're into that sort of thing.

I feel you on the anxiety, and whatever it may be, I hope you are able to not just cope but move past it. I know I still struggle occasionally, almost had a panic attack just yesterday and it had been over a year since I'd had one.