Almost none of these are "professional" or the sort of corporate double speak the author wants to convey. In fact, I find a lot of the "alternatives" more passive aggressive and rude than the original intentions! Instead of "stop bothering me" being:

    You have not heard from me because further information is not available at this time, Once I have an update I’ll be sure to loop you in

It should be something like "Let's sync up later" or "I will ping you once I have an update." Way less hostile.