I made those statements from experience, from both sides of the table, and the experiences of colleagues. People don't like ultimatums. Even if they accede to them, their trust in the person will decline, and they'll be thinking twice about putting that person in a critical role.
I disagree again. It doesn’t have to be an ultimatum. If it’s delivered as one then what you describe will likely happen.
If a valued employee has an outside offer and brings it up tactfully with their manager it doesn’t have to be so binary as you position it to be.
You can accept a counter at your current employer, erode no trust and continue to do well there. Clearly yourself and none of your colleagues have experienced what I describe which is a shame.
To be clear, if you ever bring up an offer to your current boss you should always be willing to accept it in the event negotiations to stay are not fruitful
That said, at least in the US, there is huge demand for capable developers (see the salaries posted on levels.fyi) and I would encourage anyone who is at all able to take a few interviews to assess their market rate. There are plenty of companies who treat their developers well _and_ pay them well. There's no need to settle for just one of those.
My take was on something different - having an existing job and then using a competing job as leverage. I'm not sure how you'd frame it as not an ultimatum, because the employer almost certainly will regard it as an ultimatum.
Nor did I suggest "settling". I suggested if you get a better offer, take it.
If your manager takes offense to that, it probably isn't a great place to work in the first place.
But hey, it's your career, you get to do as you like! If I was right about everything, I'd be a billionaire.
Sure, and maybe my manager is sidelining me because I remind them of their ex. Anything is possible. As I said in the original comment, an objection is a sign of a place you probably don't want to be working at anyway. I would definitely jump at the first sign of trouble, but I would wait for that sign. I wouldn't assume there is trouble without any evidence or avoid trying to negotiate on the assumption that it will cause trouble.