So I get 98-100% of what an IDE gives me, I can use my editor over ssh and edit anywhere, I don't need a GUI to even be installed on the system where I have all of my cores and RAM for compiling the kernel, it starts up instantly, and it's completely free and open source, not driven by a corporation, and there's decades of documentation on how to use it.
Edit:
I really don't understand the comments of "I will literally not spend a single minute configuring my editor". I guess it's the systems developer in me that can't fathom someone that wants to use a tool to make a living without understanding it fully and being able to tweak it to their exact liking over the course of their entire career.
I personally consider my investment into Vim one of the best I ever made. If dumb college me can do it in a few weekends, you can do it. I recently setup Emacs and got it to the same level as my Vim usage in about two days of tinkering just for fun. Then again, I suppose some people are just here for the money and want to clock in and clock out as fast as possible. I really wish I could share with you the joy of tinkering, learning, and growing your knowledge about how these wonderful machines work.