My advice is pick some minimal project such as a "TODO list", create it in java/springboot (only because this is quite popular, you can do more interesting/fun things later). Polish your resume, practice leetcode. Then upload your resume to a website like dice.com. You may have to move to find work, but I am confident that you can. Do not be picky, just take a job then evaluate where you're at one year later. This is a passing phase, years from now, you will look back at this as a period of both struggle and personal growth.
I think the odds of landing a tech job are seriously low. A degree from an elite university may double or triple your odds, but I still get rejections from people who say my resume was impressive. Most of the people who make it work incredibly hard and often don't realize how hard they work. HN is full of people who say tech jobs are easy, but also full of people who regret how hard they have to work to keep one.
I think it's fine to give up, but if you really want it, then maybe pick up Cracking The Coding Interview and play the game. It recommends about a year of preparation, which is actually less than doing a degree. Though in my exp it takes half a year to even land a job even if qualified.
I'm being heavily sarcastic, but that's just how the game is played now. You have to commit to the full-time job of getting a job, otherwise you will be gatekept out.
I have had all sorts of misadventures such as partnering with a salesperson who couldn't sell, working at a place where I had a dark triad supervisor (who claimed to have supervised both Linus Torvalds and Dave Cutler at some point), running up $80k of debt on my home equity loan (now paid) and really pissing off my wife, etc.
I also got a PhD in theoretical physics and people would say "that's great, it proves you are smart" but it can be a scarlet letter if people think you are overqualified or aren't going to take the job seriously.
I've had some times when I was really depressed and in despair about getting my next job. I've also had time when recruiters were fighting each other to talk to me. When I was about 40 I told somebody at the gym that I might as well be retired, but I've also had great pleasure working for big companies, small companies, startups and established companies not to mention myself.
There was a time when I was despair about job interviews, I came across this guy
https://job-interview-answers.com/job-interview-tips/about-b...
I can recommend what he is selling because it turned around my attitude.
Don’t let that discourage you. Instead, you should just do what everyone else does and practice those problems.
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It sounds like you didn’t do Computer Science. This is typically the baseline requirement for most software engineering positions.
However, many people do get in without CS degrees.
What did your degree cover? Is it similar to what’s covered in the typical coding boot camp? I have assume it’s much more than that, since you went to community college for it.
My point is, if lots of people can get in with these types of programs, you should be able to too.
You claim nepotism, but a lot of people get in via referrals so don’t feel bad about that.
If they were "easy"-ish Leetcode questions, it might not be a bad idea to practice some basics.
Many interviewers are looking at your thought process and ability to transfer your ideas into, not just whether or not you solved the problem.
For what it’s worth, I got my first internship through a family friend :)