When your country is attacked families are seperated, people die, and fucked up things happen. But if you don't defend your country you are guaranteed to lose and be overrun and be ruled by a maniac dictator. So there's your choice.
I find your position ridiculous and clearly from someone who's never experienced war or even heard about it from parents and grandparents. I have. You can forget about your equality crap and avoiding "inhumanity" and being concerned about the mental health of families.
That doesn't matter when a russian tank rolls down your street. What matters is your survival and your country's survival.