I just need to optimize my life and my brain. Then I will get the job I want, the partner I want, the life I want, and I will truly be happy when I have those things. The emptiness within me will go away. There is a solution to all my problems: work harder and be better. If I just figure out the right notetaking system, I can stop forgetting the important parts of all these books I'm reading (I read 80 last year, but I'm on track to do 120 this year). The problem isn't that deeply understanding a complex subject takes a lifetime and every domain of human knowledge has limits beyond which no one really has any answers, it's that I'm not "learning actively enough." If I take notes, then I will be learning actively and I will actually be thinking better, thanks to my second brain I've built in Roam Research/Org Mode/whatever. Fitter, happier, more productive.