Apparently someone used my email address already (gmail, because they won't accept school alumni email addresses!) so I was shunted into an "account recovery" hell full of questions I can't answer because I wasn't the one who signed up for a Microsoft account using my email address! How did they let that happen? Have they no validation on email addresses, but want blood work to recover an account?
I am livid. This is an atrocious experience and a nice preview of the hellish future of automated society we're hurtling into. Welcome to John Scalzi's "Automated Customer Service."
Screw you, Microsoft. Thanks for reminding me why I don't purchase your shit products.