Ouch. This is the one I identify the most with. I am, or was, a huge gamer. I used to play shooters, MMOs, and grindy RPGs and loved it. I could easily spend the whole day playing.
Now I can barely play for more than an hour without feeling some kind of anxiety that I'm wasting my time or need to get to the goal as efficiently as possible. How can I fix this!?
I'm already taking vitamin supplements :)
Personally, I just took that as a signal to stop playing games. I still play (and really enjoy) multiplayer games with friends when they're around, but if you have an anxiety saying "you should be doing something else" then I think you should probably try doing something else.
Pick an indie game or two with a well-defined end point, one that plays in under 20 or even 10 hours. See the sense of finishing and never going back to it makes you feel any differently.
If it doesn't work, you can still leave games by the wayside. I took several years of a break because I just wasn't feeling it, and ended up coming back to video games with a different perspective. It's all good either way, you don't have to force it.
Listen to that feeling, because it's the truth. Video games should be at the absolute bottom of your priorities. Every minute you're playing video games is a minute you could be improving yourself, meeting new people, travelling or whatever.
35 is not old but time is nonetheless limited, you need to make the most of it. Once you have a family and feel some kind of fulfilment, then you can play video games if you want. I bet that right now it's just a temporary escape from your feeling of emptiness, but as soon as you stop playing the feelings come back, stronger than before, because you just wasted another hour without getting any closer to your goal. It's very analogous to trying to numb your ennui with alcohol, it's not a good idea.
I felt this way about Diablo 3 for a bit, at some point I thought "I could've learned 3 languages by now instead of this". Turns out I still like gaming, but yeah, I really do also want to do other things with my time. So no more grindy stuff, I'll game, but more the stuff I can play for 30 minutes and stop, or alternatively some RPG/single player game that I can play for 40 hours over a few weeks to get my fill, and then move on.
> the fact that I don't have the option to do them is depressing to me.
> I definitely am less able to enjoy pleasure as I was many years ago
> Once I get back in front of the screen, it's back to the usual self.
I think there might be something here and I think I might have a video quite relevant for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvNCvCKJRBg