I felt uneasy about my relationship/marriage before going heavily into gaming and youtube. I think those two just were a way to not listen to my own thoughts and continue with normal life.
> Sometimes you need to do something extreme, shake things up or pick a fight and feel alive again.
I did something extreme last week which not even in a throwaway account I feel comfortable mentioning (nothing illegal of course) and I haven't felt this alive in years. Hell there are some nights I haven't been able to sleep remembering what I did last week and remembering with a smile.
> I don't know where you are at with this, but love does not rekindle on command. Just some chemical in your brain and everything is different.
Very true
> Others gave you some really solid advice here, sorry I don't have any.
Thank you, your post was very insightful nonetheless.
> Just be careful, this can be a very lonely planet.
Quoting myself from another comment: "I've never understood the worry of how you die. Yes if I divorce and never marry again I'll die lonely, for sure. But should I be miserable for 40 years of my adult life just to not die lonely? I prefer to try to be happy for the good years that I have left instead of worrying and acting now in preparation for my death."