Comment by thrown | Hacker News Reader

Comment by thrown | Hacker News Reader

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> short guys looking for girlfriends

> All the "normal" people

Lol thanks. I used to have self-confidence issues because I'm short. Spent a lot of time at university feeling sorry for myself, unable to make friends or see myself as worthy of a girlfriend.

Eventually realised that it's mostly in my head. I got over my self-esteem issues, went out and spoke to a stranger (ikr isn't that crazy?!) and he became my best friend. We travelled a bit and I met a whole bunch of girls who really liked me (at parties, on campus, etc). Life basically finds ways to disprove every dumb assumption you have, in my experience.

That was a couple years ago. Pandemic put my social life on pause.

I think the "go to dance lessons" advice is so dumb because it just means all the people who are at dance lessons are looking for something other than to learn to dance.

My advice is go to bar or a club and dance with strangers (where everybody is there to have fun and mingle). Go alone, YOLO. Also, if you don't live in a city, move to a city.

Go to a different country. You're probably rich lol you have nothing to worry about.

Good luck

I'll add to part of your statement. I'm 5'7" and in school people told me I was short. I felt self conscious about it up until through dating.

For me, what it did is made me the most confident person I know - or frankly have ever met. It made me know myself. What I've found is taller guys, generally lack strong self confidence because people defer to them without real work. I then realized most people are followers, and question themselves constantly.

Once past the general "people look naturally to a taller person", I found that I can outclass them. My dad independently found the same thing, and once told me "To find the man with the lowest self confidence, just look up".

Very well put. Not just tall/short but physical beauty in general tends to push or pull people with it in a particular direction (be it career/friendships/relationships). To think of it in another way, they are as much trapped with it as the person with bad looks whether they want it or not.

For many good looking people, its a big problem when the short span of these once awesome physical attributes start to reach its eventual decline. They don't have any self confidence and self worth not tied to their looks. And from then on a its a life long fight to keep looking the same through cosmetics or surgery.

Great points - you're absolutely right

Many years ago I used to be really conscious of my hearing aids - badly so. A few years before I got my cochlear implant I ingested six tabs of LSD and a friend drove me around all night (still one of my best friends to this day, we met in intermediate) and he just let me chill and have those amazing "mind blown" moments.

One moment that I'll remember forever was the fact that nobody cares if you're deaf, or have hearing aids. In fact, maybe that's why people are so rude (because I've missed what they said - take a checkout operator at the supermarket asking me how my day is going and I don't reply ) so the very next day I got a #1 haircut, went to a hardware store and the guy I asked for help saw my hearing aids and instantly perked up and was super happy to help me - but he was shaking quite a bit (anxious perhaps?) I still often come across someone who gets nervous when talking to me!!

It was a really great way to fix those terrible misconceptions I had of myself.

So your solution is ... do drugs?

Thank you sharing this. Because of social delays as a child, I didn't realize I was kinda short until after becoming an adult and it has really fucked with my head. Success stories like this make me thing it'll be okay.

as a short man myself I agree that simply changing location or target audience can get you a partner.

However it's not about how you see yourself and how confident you are so much, people will subconsciously judge you anyway and have more affinity to taller people than you. Nothing you can do about that. Just accept some people will like you and most won't.

> some people will like you and most won't

No way dude. If most people dislike you there's something else wrong, probably the way you act.

As a 5'3 guy who is socially active I have a few nuances to add. It's not that people or even women won't like you. Women, even tall women will like you. They may even think you're cute or attractive. However, they will likely not be interested in dating you. Women tend to have an ability to see a man as valuable even if he's not "dateable."

> Women, even tall women will like you.

Not at the start. Most women are not attracted to manlets. Women enjoy dressing up and wearing heels. The last thing a woman wants is to tower over the manlet in photographs.

One can't change genetics, but focusing on other things, like improving one's net worth, will make him more atteactive.

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