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All of those problems existed before Bitcoin, so Bitcoin evidently did not "bring them to the table"

And if Bitcoin is not a store of value, why are the Bitcoin I own seemingly maintaining (and increasing) their original value?

Classic. Bitcoin is not a store of value or trusted unit of account despite its massive market cap.

The primary objective measure of value is invalidated because you disagree with it and believe everyone else is wrong. You are a Kafka character.

something being used for massive financial speculation doesn't make it a store of value or a trusted unit of account.

Please try to expand your lists. Also, please try to create the same kind of expanded lists for other such related tech you're comparing Bitcoin with.