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The only way was to sneak it under a story about federal law. :)

self-solving problems like split ends

Could you explain that? I though split ends forced to cut one's long hair regularly.

Split ends aren't even noticeable unless you look closely at the tips of the hair. And they don't travel up the hair or anything, they stay put, one side breaks off and then the other side breaks off. I've not even looked for split ends for years and I have fantastic hair. It's a total non-problem that you can safely ignore.

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