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Comment by xunn0026 | Hacker News Reader

That sounds like the literal definition of indentured servitude.

I simply cannot imagine giving another person this kind of power. If you’re going to risk such a catastrophic failure of the rest of your life for a neuro-chemical experience, heroin seems safer than romance.

Married people live 7 years longer on average, whereas the same cannot be the same for heroin users. So the two are probably not interchangeable!

Married people. People who stay married. What happens when you include the third of marriages that end in divorce?

Correlation vs causation. Also, those statistics are from a different time. Let's compare divorced vs never-married to get a fairer picture.

That doesn't sound appealing. Taking a huge risk for something that can potentially ruin my finances for an extended period of time in exchange for maybe 7 more years of living.

No thanks. That is not a good deal.

So sounds like the futuristic studies on human longevity could be directed to research on keeping people married longer.

Its probably not the heroin but the lifestyle attached to an expensive illegal drug

Slightly immature comment, but I'll bite. Chances of affair with heroin ending up being a nice story is absolutely 0. Chances of marriage being the one of the best decision in your life and ongoing source of content and happiness is pretty high, much higher than some comments here suggest. It can be something basic for few close friends and family, not those rather pathetic overblown mega weddings.

And yes it changes things - I didn't believe so myself, but it did, for the better. And that's without kids. Anytime I see non-married couple with their kids, its mostly the guy. Women often say they are OK with that but then tell their close friends how they wish they could be married. All I see is insecure person - and literally everybody I've ever met in that situation is insecure, you just have to look close enough.

But it became a bit of an art to marry well and of course its never 100%, but then what in life is. It can't be done for physical attraction alone. I would say that the SO needs to be a damn nice person to live with (for you at least) if you remove any physical attractiveness. There are tons of people who have naturally and genuinely good heart. Marry those, and only those. The chances for good marriage compared to average just jumped through the roof.

The second part is at least equally hard - be a good partner and father, consistently even if not truly permanently. Family takes priority about any pathetic career you consider so important and awesome. Any party, trips, plans, and so on. Don't lose yourself in marriage/parenthood and keep something that makes you feel alive, but be ready to postpone/downtune it. Chances now are even higher.

The last part is to be sure both sides are actually, truly, long term compatible. This takes time to find out. Similar personalities are much easier to work with compared to opposites. It can be speeded up by spending a lot of time together, tough and challenging time. Long active travels are great, if not possible a lot of small intense travel helps. Don't extinguish arguments (but don't provoke them), and watch how other side reacts. How both your reaction combine. How you both handle de-escalation. Ideal is to find passions that you truly share, the more the better. I for example wouldn't be able to live long term with a lady which doesn't share with me some mountain/adrenaline sports. Mine shares all of them but it took quite some time to find her.

Most couples these days, married or not, fail at least some time in at least 1 of those aspects. Over time, its source of wedge that cracks relationships that seem perfect in the beginning. But they are perfect only through the lens of emotions, which change over time. Cold, hard facts about persons changes much less often if ever.

I think everything is tradeoffs, but there will probably come a time when divorcing a higher-earning spouse is on balance a very good move for you. Perhaps some combination of your magnanimity or your spouse's devotion means you won't actually capitalize on this. But you could, and you both know it, and that power dynamic is extreme. Extreme enough to drown out any feelings of contentment or satisfaction, even if they manage to keep you happy. And obviously you have no obligations to their feelings, with this kind of leverage.

Perhaps this is immature. I'm not totally averse to responsibility. I have a career and a mortgage, and getting fired or going into default would be very bad. But it would be bad in a way that I'd recover from. An acrimonious divorce with an alimony award would really seem to make the rest of my life not worth living. Even a 5% chance of that is crazy.

> heroin seems safer than romance

You can’t propagate the human species with heroin

Very true, but you also don't need romance to propogate the human species either - a good old fashioned fuck will do the trick, romance optional!

The last lawyer I consulted with basically said they can't force my wife to work because that's slavery. I then asked why they can force me to work and he just went silent. Everyone in that industry knows it's bullshit but they're rich, connected, and unwilling to let it change.

Or it sounds like working hard to earn money to give your children a better life. Which is pretty common!

Alimony is not child support. Alimony is paid to the ex-spouse to maintain their lifestyle. You would need to pay child support in addition to the alimony.

Oops, you are correct, I misread.

Canada has one of the highest suicide rates among divorced men because of their even more draconian alimony/child support payments.

Long story short, don't get married in Canada. Dave Foley on the Joe Rogan Podcasts (in like the 0-200's episodes) went through his divorce and explained how absurd it was.

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