Hacker News Reader

Comment by ylyn | Hacker News Reader

The article isn't saying you should be happy with you who you are and then never change.

Come on.

From the article:

> “There’s a quiet power in forgiving our flaws, missteps and perceived shortcomings,” says Madeleine Dore, author of I Didn’t Do the Thing Today: Letting Go of Productivity Guilt, out this month. “Often when we accept ourselves, we’re more likely to get the best from ourselves, because we’re better placed to look at what we need to thrive, rather than change.”

...that quote doesn't say "never change." It says that "look[ing] at what we need to thrive" is a "more likely" way to change, rather than trying to "look at what we need to...change."

It says “rather than change”. Doesn’t that preclude change? I interpreted it as accepting flaws and looking to “thrive” in other means that don’t involve fixing those flaws.

No it's not a logic problem, it's human behavior. The point is that while you are beating yourself up about not changing you are also not changing. Or as Yoda would put it: "do or do not, there is no try".

Grammatically, "rather than" opposes "change" to "thrive", but entirely within the context of "look at what we need." It doesn't preclude change itself--just the focus on change.

Also from article: "When you no longer imagine you must transform yourself, in order to justify your existence on the planet, you’re finally able to do so, in small ways and large. The stakes are lower, now that your self-worth no longer hangs in the balance."

You think about what would improve your life instead of focusing on own flaws. Then do the baby step of improving something in your life and if it feels better, then you succeeded. You end up doing steps to change and liking the road.

I think it means that we should "look at what we need to thrive", rather than to "look at what need to change". Not that you shouldn't ever change; just don't focus on the change itself when you are setting goals and concocting plans.

It's not (at least not to an absolute degree) but I dont know if you are aware of the shtick of this author: "All self-help books suck, except mine because I tell you to dial down any hope and be happy with your mediocrity". Big meh.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com