My favorite quote (and when taken in context is much less tongue-in-cheek thank you might think):
systemd is an event-driven object manager with dependency-like side effects which ‘boxes’ primitive kernel resources and userspace subsystems into a generic object type called Unit. These Unit objects are scheduled through the state propagation mechanism of ‘jobs’ and dynamically dispatched via a singleton object called Manager, responsible for launching jobs in ‘transactions’ which do merging, cyclic ordering and consistency checks and serve as the main point at which unit dependencies are pulled in. Unit startup is executed as a non-indempotent parallel dataflow with weak ordering guarantees on the job level, mostly independent of the active state of dependent units.
Any night you have insomnia, just read that a few times and you'll be out like a light! :-)