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Comment by ragona | Hacker News Reader

> He told me to my face he "would not have chosen me" and "didn't know how I got in."

Holy shit. Glad that this person got managed out... eventually.

Can be motivitating words for some people. Coaches will say stuff like this to a talented athlete who is underachieving, if they think it will light a fire.

A good manager would not say stuff like that unless he really felt the person would take it the right way. A bad manager will say stuff like that to stroke his own ego.

I don't think tech managers should be taking management lessons from Full Metal Jacket in any case. But I sat at a lunch table with this guy every day for 3 years, and I know he was not trying to motivate me. He was trying to keep me in my place.

Coaches are not involved in hierarchical relationship where they could fire you or make your life hell. Neither they are involved in the decision of how much you should earn or if you should be promoted or not.

So those are absolutely different sorts of relationships. The coach is not your superior so it changes everything about what they could say to you and the consequences it could have on you.

So no, a good manager should never say stuff like that. It's the sort of words that can be the involuntary sparkle which could ignite depression or even suicide. And for what ? A better performance at writing crud programs ? No. Professional things are not important enough to say any of this.

I would also add that sports can be highly emotional games, and getting a player angry or passionate (assuming they direct this at the other team) can actually be productive. This isn't the case with work that requires higher level of cognition, and not smashing someone against the wall to get a puck from them hah. I wouldn't want my subordinates to be angry at me or the rest of the organization for any reason.

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