One more thing. The way things went down totally shocked me. I was a child of my mother's second marriage and I learned the hard way that my half sibs had always resented me. Now that I know that, things about my family make more sense. My feeling is, if you at all feel your sibs may resent you because life gave you luck / looks / smarts / a better father / you name it, proceed with caution.
My grandparents had pretty much everything divided and handed out before they died. Two of them were living on property/in houses that were given to them by my grandparents. After funeral expenses, hospital bills, and everything else, there really wasn't much left.
If you want some real advice: Don't count on it. Set yourself up in a way that you aren't waiting for your parents to die. Have absolutely no stake in the outcome. And if you are the executor, be as open and transparent as possible. If anything, it'll make the lawsuits quicker.
This.
People change their wills, sometimes secretly. Maybe your parent favours your sibling, and you didn't know; maybe they want to leave everything to the cat.
Make your own life, and if something trickles down, that's a pure bonus.
The executor is the one responsible for distributing assets (including real estate and anything of value) from the estate. You want that role.
From my understanding a Living Trust is really just a way of bypassing the Will and probate process, and actually allows for less oversight. This might make things easier, or it might make it harder to get justice.
There are also irrevocable trusts that allow for making designations that can't be taken back, which perhaps may fit your situation. But since they're irrevocable they need to be drafted and planned more carefully.
Of course if they're not looking to you to fulfill such a role or discuss such things, then perhaps it's not your scene no matter how much you think it is. Whatever the case may be, you're better off having these conversations sooner rather than too late.
IME a parent's death is when all those unresolved childhood disagreements come back to roost.
The will is scrupulously fair - straight 50:50 split, no special provision for need or whatever. Both kids are named as executors. I bung them some money from time to time, especially if one of them is in need. I always give them both the same amount, even if the other isn't in need. My hope is that they won't fall out over my legacy. I don't think they will.
Greedy, grasping offspring is a thing. I have friends who have that problem. They don't care to spend time with their offspring, because of tedious conversations about money. I'm so glad I don't have that problem. My kids never ask me for money, even if I invite them to ("Are you OK for money?") I never asked my parents for money either - I didn't want to feel beholden to them.
IMO problems between honest people arise when an estate drags out due to large non-monetary assets like houses, causing legitimate differences in opinion. If they both just want to sell it, that's easy. When one wants to keep it to live in, or if there is a lot of land and someone wants to subdivide to get more money, then you get into arguments. Or other intangibles like if one of them ends up spending a lot of time personally taking care of you, what's that worth post facto.
FWIW I don't know how the probate process is in your state, but you could look into a living trust to keep the process easier and more private. States that have adopted the uniform probate code are pretty straightforward, but ones that haven't can get somewhat tedious even for uncontested estates (eg publishing a list of all your assets in the public record).
TBH you probably have a gut feeling of whether your kids will work together or argue, and if you want to head off problems the only way is to talk about it ahead of time and plan for the things that will cause friction.
Yes. They are not co-executors (they can choose how they divide the burden). And I know it is a burden; some people hire an accountant to do it for them. It took my sister about 6 months to do probate for my father. I'm glad I didn't have to shoulder that.
So as far as I'm concerned, that's up to them. I trust them both. I trust them not to fight. But in the end, even if you've done your best to set things up properly, people can still find a way to generate a conflict.
Most of the legacy happens to be a couple of homes; they'd be hard to divide, but both my kids have their own homes. I imagine they'll just sell both properties. I appreciate your remarks about divisible land legacies; my property isn't easily divisible. At any rate, my will is quite clear; the division is to be 50:50.
I really hope neither of them ends up having to care for me; but if that should happen, I suppose I'd just compensate them for their trouble while I'm still alive.
Trusts can be simple or byzantine. I don't think I need to make a trust at all. My affairs aren't complicated, and there are no secrets. I mainly want to protect my legacy from my two ex-wives, who have each already taken everything they're entitled to.
Incidentally, I was a bit miffed that my Dad appointed my sister as sole executor; but I never mentioned that to anyone. Fact is, she is a competent maanager and administrator, and I'm not. He did the right thing.
I am in South Africa, BTW.
Essentially they risked never talking to you again, losing a living link with their deceased step father, over what? An end table? A book case? Is this really how you want to play this out?
After the passing of a grandparent I took some items home that I thought I was saving from being thrown out with the trash, but it turned out a sibling really wanted them and felt wronged that I had taken them without their approval.
I think GP's situation is more serious than this, but in some cases maybe honest misunderstandings plus digging in heels causes some unnecessary grief.
When my father died, it was even easier; the will was a mess, if you ask me, but my sister was executor, and she did a really good job. He had been in a care home, and had already disposed of most of his personal posessions. My siblings all played very nicely, and edge cases were settled very amicably. In fact, if anything, it brought us all together.
Make a will, and use a lawyer.