No one will talk to you in pub, "locals" are with their established friend group or at home. And knocking to introduce yourself is weird, and still people won't socialize with you because you knocked. They have own plans and ow isolated lifes
That's how my super-socially awkward ass used to make friends, anyway. Nowadays I don't have the stamina to wait out the process.
(Just for clarity, I do have friends. I'm the sort who likes going out by themselves as well, though).
Although I've had people I don't know come and talk with me, and I'm friendly when they do, it's very unusual. I would bet on that happening maybe 1 in 20 nights out, and 1 in 50 times at a coffee shop. I would not say it takes hours, I'd say it takes weeks to months.
Sometimes I notice other people by themselves, usually old men, pint in hand for hours, saying and doing nothing. To me they look really sad like that and I don't feel like approaching them at all. I feel empathy but don't want to be involved. Myself, I've usually got a book or computer, or these days my phone. Maybe that makes me less approachable, but I'd rather that than doing nothing at all for a night.
However, even at times when I've gone out and just sat without any props, warming my hands by a fire or, seasonally, a nice christmas tree, nearly everyone is part of a small group of their own, and the phenomon you described where "someone will talk to you just because they notice you've been sitting there not talking to anyone" is still unusual.
Well, revealed preferences I guess. Best of luck. I enjoy chatting to my neighbours and I'd have no issue with them popping in for a cup of tea.
Well, me and my neighbours are happy to be weird in your view. You do you. I don't think you're weird btw, just less social I guess?
It's not the GP being less social - it's their neighbours as well.
They said other people don't knock, which is what make it seem like it would come over as a weird if they did it themselves.
That chimes with my experience. In ~25 years of living in many different places, I don't think I've ever had my door knocked on by neighbours for an introduction or friendly chat. Only by people I already know, and that's rare too. (I don't live near anyone that I know).
So I wouldn't knock on a neighbour's door. I'd feel uncomfortable, intruding on other people's private lives.
It's not like I'm not social. I like people and would probably enjoy knowing my neighbours better. (Though not during this pandemic - I haven't mingled indoors anywhere since March 2020).
But it seems like every little group of people (most are houseshares) keeps to themselves.
Well, that's enough HN for today. Merry Christmas.
It takes a narrow viewpoint to think those are the same.
More value would be derived from discussing climate change with a Martian.
We could hash it out over a pint at the pub, but you don't mingle indoors see, so...
Sorry, but I think this is a bit comical, I don't have the patience for such farce.
Not mingling indoors does not preclude pubs, socialising or hanging out with people in person.
I see from your comment history that you really enjoyed the commutes, going to an office job with others in the s/w industry. I'm like you in that regard: I was excited to start a job commuting into London on a daily train, because I really enjoy that part, the travel, the people, the vibe of the crowds. It's an excellent time to break out a book. I'd spent too long doing WFH and wanted a job in an office.
But things changed. You don't know my circumstances, but suffice to say my family faced a realistically high chance of death or disability if they got Covid due to particular pre-existing conditions. So of course I'd be a selfish arsehole if I carried on a commute in those circumstances.
How on earth did you get from "does not preclude pubs, socialising, or hanging out with people" to "you've self excluded"? Bizarre.
This seemed somewhat common growing up in the suburbs, but I think has literally never happened in my adult life in a city.
It's more common for us to meet in the street e.g. say hi whilst someone is at their front door.
To be fair I don't live in a megablock, they're not that common in London, most people I know live in converted townhouses which only have a few flats in them.
e.g. https://i.pinimg.com/originals/01/9e/b9/019eb97dd77c0dc3191e...
usually they're smaller than this.
I take part in a few hobby based meetups and run events based around those things. Some of the people I have met through these are pretty tight now, we had a Christmas dinner a couple of weeks ago.
The last time I moved home I threw a house warming and invited the neighbours around. Knocked on the door with a bottle of wine. The ones that came along I still know and some are now close friends.
I could go through the other examples but really I guess it just comes down to whether you think I'm full of shit or not. :)
But I noticed, none of those interactions ever turned into further interactions outside, let alone friendships or things like christmas dinners.
I've also co-run a community centre (a hackerspace) for years, and been one of the more prominent members that everyone meets at some point, which I'd say is a pretty social thing to do. Those too also didn't turn into friendships outside, but perhaps the element of formality in the relationships didn't help with that.
I think your approach to housewarming is a great idea. Even if knocking on neighbours doors feels like an oddity these days, and nobody else seems to be doing it, as a brand new neighbour that's a great time to do so, inviting people to a party that's low effort for them.
Turns out people at meetups often have very full lives already, and many are there for the business networking opportunities, not to develop an outside-of-work social life.
So there were LinkedIn connections made, and some transactional relationships. I did occasionally meet some people later one-on-one. (I shouldn't have said they didn't lead to further interactions; I'd forgotten these few). Good and interesting people. But they're not what I'd call friendships. Perhaps the seeds of one, if they went on for years.
To be fair, I wasn't looking for more social life either. I merely observe that friendships did not flow naturally from going to meetups, the way you seem to be suggesting happens readily.
On the other hand, a chat with someone random at a library in the same time frame did lead to friendship. As have many other life events.
What I'm suggesting here is that meetups are a great way to find people interested in similar things, but at least in my experience, I don't recommend them as a way to find friends if that's what you're looking for.
You're right, you definitely need to put a lot of effort in, inviting people, navigating problems, finding good people, etc.
And yeah, some social occasions are better than others.
The main point I'm making really is that you need to get out there and do stuff. If you don't even try then you have a 100% chance of failure.
Which is why I find some of the comments below rather odd.
The potential downside to asking your neighbour out for a pint is almost zero, the upside is unlimited. I mean, they could be an axe murderer or rapist, but actually we don't live in a movie and they're probably not, lol.
OOC roughly whereabouts do you live?
I don't really want to reveal much more hence the throwaway. But honestly I think, you get what you put in. If you want something, assume other people want that thing too, and go from there.
Re. the rest though, maybe it's a "you get what you put in" thing to an extent, I think somewhat that's just how outgoing someone is (which I don't think is the same as how much they value/need connection). But I think a lot of this is very cultural too.