Comment by lotsofpulp | Hacker News Reader

Comment by lotsofpulp | Hacker News Reader

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>My spouse and I sometimes wonder why so many people who could choose to migrate to the west still stay in India, Pakistan, etc. It is a reminder that those societies do a few things better than the west.

After witnessing my mom waste her prime years caring for my dad's old parents, I pity other women (and anyone else in the same situation) who have no choice due to lack of economic opportunities and are essentially forced to live as maids.

I also suspect the people who could choose to migrate but choose to stay in India, Pakistan, etc are rich enough to hire cooks and maids and drivers. The people who have no option to migrate are the ones you should be wondering about.

I hope that my children do not spend their prime years chronically taking care of me, just like I would not want to do it for someone else. Note the use of the word "chronically", which for my mom, between both paternal grandfather and grandmother, lasted 33 years.

You must be very omniscient to be able to judge that her life was wasted. I pity others who are forced to go work outside the home, who have no choice due to lack of economic opportunities and are essentially forced to live as serfs. Somehow taking care of parents is a waste of life, but finding new ways to sling ads on the web (e.g. working at Google/Alphabet or Facebook/Meta) is not?

I have spent about a decade of my life being the primary caregiver for my aging parents so far; I'm in my mid 40's. And yes, I hope my kids do the same for me.

We don't outsource raising our children (homeschooling) or caring for our parents; having tutors, coaches, or domestic help is fine on occasion, but not wholesale replacement of family care.

No, I just listened (or had to listen on trips to grocery store) to her commiserations since I was the only one she could vent to.

Slinging ads for Meta and Alphabet affords you the ability to go on vacation. My mom was not getting anything for cooking and cleaning and taking care of my non driving, non English speaking, non working grandparents. On top of my mom having to work and help my dad try and operate a small business. In fact, she regrets not being able to spend more time and resources after her kids because so much of her time and energy was spent after two 80+ year old babies (one grandparent died at 99, after 7 years on dialysis. Why the hell are we giving 90+ year olds dialysis? The other grandparent died at 95, but was 15 years younger).

And I saw what my aunts lives who had old and disabled in laws to take care of was like versus aunts who had young and helpful in laws. I have seen tribes that tilt too far in providing resources to the elderly and infirm, to the detriment of the young. I do not see any point in that.

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