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Comment by brutus1213 | Hacker News Reader

Similar boat with aging parents. It is really tough with few solutions. In a very HCOL area and parents own a condo. So stairs are less the issue but there a ton other challenges that emerge. Simplest solution would be to do a joint-family system with the parents. That is not feasible because single story houses are pretty rare in our area and spacious housing is stupidly expensive in general (Toronto); moving my family with them just would not work. Back in the old country, houses were designed for this scenario .. 2 stories (old parents can live on first story and not have to deal with stairs; second story where the younger generation lives. Things like kitchen and dining were replicated on both stories. My spouse and I sometimes wonder why so many people who could choose to migrate to the west still stay in India, Pakistan, etc. It is a reminder that those societies do a few things better than the west.

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>My spouse and I sometimes wonder why so many people who could choose to migrate to the west still stay in India, Pakistan, etc. It is a reminder that those societies do a few things better than the west.

After witnessing my mom waste her prime years caring for my dad's old parents, I pity other women (and anyone else in the same situation) who have no choice due to lack of economic opportunities and are essentially forced to live as maids.

I also suspect the people who could choose to migrate but choose to stay in India, Pakistan, etc are rich enough to hire cooks and maids and drivers. The people who have no option to migrate are the ones you should be wondering about.

I hope that my children do not spend their prime years chronically taking care of me, just like I would not want to do it for someone else. Note the use of the word "chronically", which for my mom, between both paternal grandfather and grandmother, lasted 33 years.

You must be very omniscient to be able to judge that her life was wasted. I pity others who are forced to go work outside the home, who have no choice due to lack of economic opportunities and are essentially forced to live as serfs. Somehow taking care of parents is a waste of life, but finding new ways to sling ads on the web (e.g. working at Google/Alphabet or Facebook/Meta) is not?

I have spent about a decade of my life being the primary caregiver for my aging parents so far; I'm in my mid 40's. And yes, I hope my kids do the same for me.

We don't outsource raising our children (homeschooling) or caring for our parents; having tutors, coaches, or domestic help is fine on occasion, but not wholesale replacement of family care.

No, I just listened (or had to listen on trips to grocery store) to her commiserations since I was the only one she could vent to.

Slinging ads for Meta and Alphabet affords you the ability to go on vacation. My mom was not getting anything for cooking and cleaning and taking care of my non driving, non English speaking, non working grandparents. On top of my mom having to work and help my dad try and operate a small business. In fact, she regrets not being able to spend more time and resources after her kids because so much of her time and energy was spent after two 80+ year old babies (one grandparent died at 99, after 7 years on dialysis. Why the hell are we giving 90+ year olds dialysis? The other grandparent died at 95, but was 15 years younger).

And I saw what my aunts lives who had old and disabled in laws to take care of was like versus aunts who had young and helpful in laws. I have seen tribes that tilt too far in providing resources to the elderly and infirm, to the detriment of the young. I do not see any point in that.

I think this is the most.. humane approach. For everyone involved. From what I've read about the nightmares of old folks' homes, that way of handling elder care has been failing us for a long time (and only recently has come into view).

Multi-generational households really seem like the way to go. Everyone gets to play an age-appropriate role and (in an "ideal" family) everyone is taken care of.

Multi-generational households are a non-starter when you are a child of divorced parents.

My dad and step mother, mom and step father, and my mother in law, step father in law, father in law and step mother in law are not going to be living in a shared household ever. And if that somehow happened, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near it. :)

MG homes are the best solution all around. It's a shame more homes aren't built to accommodate that.

Now that remote work is more accepted, do you think people will choose to return to multi-generational homes instead of moving to the big city to work at the office?

Toronto does not equal all of the west. There are a lot of low cost of living parts of Canada where you can affordability arrange that exact living situation. My home town in Ontario which is around 80k people has had a lot of Indian-Canada families move from Toronto to my home town in the last decade for that exact reason.

Can you pls share the city? I've looked as far as London, ON but houses are still too expensive to make it work.

A little further south west, Sarnia. To be honest, it’s cheaper than London, but I don’t think by a lot. There’s also the option of living in Corunna, close to Sarnia, but even smaller and less expensive.

Here’s a semi recent article to give you an idea of the prices https://www.theobserver.ca/news/local-news/home-prices-conti...

The lake is nice in the summer and you’re close to Detroit for a weekend of cheap entertainment.

Good luck!

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