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Comment by a2tech | Hacker News Reader

I'm a realist. I told my parents (one retired but active and one preparing to retire) that they needed to get their end of life plans and elder care plans in place because I wasn't going to do it for them. My wife and I don't have children and are hoping to spend our retirement being semi-mobile around the globe. We simply won't be available to take care of them in their old age. I threatened (only half joking) that if they didn't arrange things and they got sickly I would put them in the cheapest elder home I could find an afternoon of calling. They're grown-ass adults. They need to figure out their life--not lean on me to figure it out for them.

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I bet you're glad that they didn't view you as much of an inconvenience to their life ambitions as you view them.

I find this kind of appeal to "reason" questionable. While I am thankful that my parents took care of me while I was dependent, did I ask to be born into this world? I don't view my parents as an inconvenience to my life ambitions but it's a lot more reasonable to view them as such compared to parents that feel that their children (who are there because of their decisions in one way or another) are an inconvenience.

Tough luck I guess? I didn't sign up for this. I love my parents, they made their decisions, I've made mine. I'm not wrecking the future I've planned for and built with my wife because they've failed to adequately plan for their care.

My parents are functioning adults. They've had decades to figure out what they want to do as they age. They haven't been hit with unexpected ruin or financial woes or other troubles. Their lack of preparedness is strictly on them.

At least you are communicating and being honest. It is super shitty when people act nice to the elderly in hopes of being in the will, only to send them to a cheap nursing home to save money.

I don't think parents should having children expecting those children to grow up and take care of them in their old age. There's sooo much that can happen (what if you have a bad relationship, what if one falls into drug dependence? etc) that you should have a solid plan for yourself.

They raised him to be like that.

Perhaps karma does exist.

Children lack agency, and can’t be expected to plan ahead like that.

Having a kid is a choice they made. You don't choose to be born.

>I would put them in the cheapest elder home I could find

I don't think any of them are very cheap.

>They need to figure out their life--not lean on me to figure it out for them.

At least in the US, there aren't a lot of options unless you're pretty wealthy. Medicare doesn't cover nursing care. Nursing homes cost around $5k a month or so last time I checked. They will literally throw them on the curb if they can't pay.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/21/business/nursing-homes-ev...

I know. And its not like I'm a monster, obviously I'll try and select the best elder home that matches the amount of money they have plus what I can afford.

However, and this is what I was trying to humorously get through to them, I will not compromise the life my wife and I have built and worked towards to arrange care for them. Call me callous, call me cruel, but my wife and I are working towards something for ourselves. We're making our future and so should they.

This... Is probably one out of a few viable solutions to this.

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