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Comment by Winterflow3r | Hacker News Reader

Thank you very much for the reverse perspective! Do you mind sharing which EU country you moved to? Are you planning to stay longer term or just for a few years and then go back? I recently relocated from UK to Stockholm, Sweden and boy has it been tough going so I was wondering if maybe change of continent would be better. I feel kind of stuck here - mostly socially, but also a bit career-wise.

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Germany! Yeah, I feel you on the socially "stuck" part. I've been over here almost 6 years and it took at least 3 to get a social life going. Perhaps I'm just not outgoing enough, perhaps there are a lot of other factors at play. I would say that making friendships in US is a lot easier on the whole, but this is based on anecdotal experience and not any sort of hard evidence. There are many US immigrants here who echo similar experiences. I found my first good friends were also immigrants and then later made a few close German friends.

Someone explained it to me with two circles of how close the different cultures let someone in: in the U.S. it's pretty easy to get through that first layer and make some acquaintances, but deep friendships may take longer. Germans are not big into casual acquaintances, but once you're in that first circle, it's easier to get through to the second one as well.

There's also a difference in push/pull: Germans will often expect you as the new guy to make the first steps, whereas that will be the opposite in other cultures that are more inviting.

Joining some Verein or taking a class at the Volkshochschule can help crossing that first circle.

> Germans are not big into casual acquaintances, but once you're in that first circle, it's easier to get through to the second one as well.

Someone explained to me that this is the case in Sweden as well, but during covid (even though we had lighter restrictions), meeting people on any circle has been near neigh impossible.

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