Congrats on your retirement, sorry to hear about your family difficulties.

Pothead here, also probably autistic, also dealt with a lot of family trauma, also positioned to retire soon.

If you're smoking weed to feel a "cosmic connection" (which is reasonable IMO), you might want to look into trying more powerful psychedelics.

There's a lot of interesting research going on with mushrooms for depression: https://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20210415/study-magic-m...

I'm planning on waiting until I'm fully out of tech, then tripping balls and working on fixing myself instead of fixing code.