Thanks for sharing. Getting the right treatment is such a gamble. I wish we were better at talking about mental illness openly instead of stigmatizing it. Perhaps then we would realize the need for better treatments and funding. I have a close relative that's been all the way down the hole with life-threatening mental illness, but recovered due to doctors finding the right cocktail of medication and safe environment. Getting to know this person I'm humbled by how ignorant I've always been on issues of mental health. I shudder when I read comment sections like this one, or talk to friends and family, as I'm reminded how pervasive this ignorance still is in the general public, and even in professional healthcare. I have the deepest respect for people like you, that are hanging on in spite of the terrible circumstances you've been given. I hope you find some shivers of light in between all the darkness.