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The negotiating without an offer thing is a normal (and very annoying) tactic used by recruiters to give you an offer that you immediately accept, while being able to avoid giving you an actual offer that you may reject. Recruiters have metrics they need to hit that include acceptance/rejection on offers, and this is a way they juice their metrics.

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I gave FB the exact breakdown of my other offer with plenty of time to react to it, and got only silence in response. They had all the tools to put together a superior compensation package and just didn't.

(It's possible that based on my interview performance, FB didn't want to match the level I was offered at the other company. But if that were the case, you'd think they would cut bait and move onto a more promising candidate rather than half-assing an attempt to get me to join regardless.)

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